Hip-hop anonymous - A PAO journal

3 years post-op LPAO

2011-04-23T23:21:00.004-06:00

A surgery can change your body. Two surgeries can change everything.

Today, on the third anniversary of my LPAO, I inevitably think back to my first operation and the years leading up to that day.

Everything has changed.

I am an outdoors enthusiast and exercise nut. I can stay on my feet all day. My new body has freed my soul, and my heart responds in kind.

The breakdown is exactly the same as it was at two years post-op: zero pain with a couple of exceptions, great range of motion, same tingly patch and itching. The one difference is that my tailbone pain has waned considerably, which gives me much, much relief.

I'm a different person today than I was on April 23, 2008, and I'll be forever thankful.

How often to see a doc post-op?

2011-02-21T14:26:00.005-07:00

I had my latest hip checkup in May 2009. When I asked Dr. Mayo when he wanted to see me again, he said in two years. Which. Is. ... About now.

The thing is, I don't really want to go. My hips feel great and I'm not too excited to make another vacation out of a hip appointment. Come May, I'll be 3 years post-op LPAO and 2½ years RPAO.

Which leads me to my question for all the other post-op hip patients out there. How often do you see a doctor for follow-up care?

Vegas, conquered

2010-12-31T10:37:00.003-07:00

In 2006, I hobbled around Las Vegas, sore and miserable. Just as I had come to hate big stores, I had come to hate big cities. The pain, and my subsequent bitterness, was huge.

Last week, I returned to Sin City. Of course, I knew beforehand that my hips weren't going to cause problems, but walking the Strip was nonetheless freeing and exciting. I did get a dull ache in one hip that came and went, but that's true for anytime I'm on my feet for an extended period of time.

Freedom. It was a gamble, but I beat the house, the pain, and the big city.

I'm everyday thankful.

My trigger

2010-11-24T20:54:00.002-07:00

It never fails. Whenever I leave Target, the thought of being on crutches surges through my mind, and I go back to 2008, when I was constantly on the lookout for handicapped parking spaces, level surfaces and automatic doors.

I'm not sure why this location triggers my memory, but each time I walk out those doors and remember what I went through two years ago, I smile and have a little party in my mind for how effortlessly I walk to my car.

2 years post-op RPAO

2010-11-03T19:19:00.008-06:00

Seems too long ago to be two years post-op.

But here I am, stronger than ever and a very different person than I was before I knew how to pronounce periacetabular osteotomy. Surgery is a faint memory, hip pain a whisper.

I return to these posts and remember the anxiety, heartache and fear. I draw a deep breath, grateful beyond words and calm through my soul.

These surgeries saved me.

I think of my indecision to go under the knife and scoff at myself for worrying how others would perceive my choice to walk into an elective surgery just to be wheeled out a week later. This is my life. It was my decision, and I'm so glad I made the right one for me.

I'm happy to report that the issues I had at the one-year mark have greatly improved and I have practically zero problems or pain. Some things are different, however:

Range of motion is about 90 percent of what it was pre-surgery.
I can feel the entire section of my thigh, though mostly with a tingly sensation.
I still get deep random stabbing/itching sensation every once in a while, as the nerves slowly recover.
My right leg is smaller than the left. At this point, I don't know if the muscles will ever catch up, but it's a subtle difference.
A glint of hope has appeared on the tailbone front. It's overall a bit better, so I keep wishing for continued improvement.

These surgeries saved me.

Risks and rewards

2010-07-17T22:18:00.003-06:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about risks.

There's no reward without them, they say. No payoff without some chance.

I don't know why or how I was able to take that risk of not just one, but two PAOs two years ago. I do know, however, that doing so has given me hope that someday I will take another chance. A chance, maybe, of trying something new, of meeting someone new, of putting my life on the line again.

While my heart is a continual reminder of the damage that can come from risk, I am so grateful that my hips faithfully tell me the opposite:

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

2 years post op LPAO/scar pic

2010-04-23T22:21:00.015-06:00

My left hip turned 2 today.

Like a toddler, it asserts its independence more each day. It says "no" to sitting on the couch, "no" to giving up on ever-so-challenging squats and lunges and "no" to the life I led two years ago.

I happily report:

I have zero restrictions.
I have zero pain when walking, working out, etc.
Range of motion is about 95% of what it was before surgery.
My "numb" patch is now a "tingly" patch. There now is sensation where there was none before. Because of this, I still get the deep itching, stabbing pain in my thigh on occasion.
My only issue is when I work out too hard or lie in a certain position. Then I get a deep pain on my backside at the top of the pelvis.
I also still feel the deep groin pain I've had since surgery when doing "clam shell" type movements or deep squats and lunges.
Tailbone pain also turns 2 today. Boo.

I couldn't be more proud of my 2-year-old!

Guilty

2010-04-18T22:16:00.003-06:00

I have to admit my guilt.

I've been feeling bad for how well I've been doing. After reading through a few of my hip sisters' blogs and recently receiving news of another hip sister who has been through a terrible time, I question whether I should continue to post my successes.

I know how it feels. The envy, the disappointment, the "why me." The "why not me." I don't want to cause anyone to feel this way after reading my posts.

So I ask myself: Why do I post the good stuff? And I answer:

For a personal record of my journey.
For a reminder of how far I've come.
For never forgetting to be thankful for my good fortune because it could be gone tomorrow.
And most importantly, to inspire all of you who hope to reach the point I'm at today.

So I continue to write about my physical and emotional successes and hope you understand my reasons. And if you don't, maybe it will make you feel better knowing that I still have chronic tailbone pain. :)

Snowshoeing!

2010-03-23T22:59:00.003-06:00

I'm not much of a snow person. I detest being cold and hate having to bundle up. Despite that, my sister talked me into trying snowshoeing, an activity that I used to fear not only for the aforementioned reasons, but because I knew it would hurt my hips.

But fear not, because on my first snowshoeing adventure, it was so warm that we shed our coats, and my hips hardly hurt! We hiked almost four miles and had a wonderful time. On the straight stretches, my hips did start to ache, but I didn't have problems going up or down, which I find strange.

So that's the great news. I'm still trying new things that I was unable to do before surgery, and I'm pushing myself to new limits.

The not-so-great news is that I am starting to have more pain than I did six months to a year ago. (I'm coming up on the two-year mark for the left hip and the one and a half year mark on the right.) After an hour or two of activity, and sometimes for no reason at all, I feel random pains in either hip.

I'm debating whether the pain is a signal to slow down or one to keep up with the activity because it might not be an option for much longer. At this point, I'm choosing the latter. :)

Emotional Strength vs. Physical Power

2010-02-01T15:21:00.004-07:00

Last weekend, I did something I never would have been able to do prior to surgery: 4 hours of intense workouts. In a row.

My gym released new programs for its group fitness classes and invited us to try them all in a day. Doing so meant I was eligible for a free trip to the mountains. I didn't win the trip, but I did get the awesome feeling of accomplishment (and exhaustion) when it was all over. My hips were a bit sore but not too bad.

Body Pump | Body Combat | Body Flow | Body Jam

The biggest part, though, is simply the feeling of empowerment. Things have been tough for me the past couple of weeks, and it feels wonderful to be able to compensate my lack of emotional strength with physical power.

2010

2010-01-06T22:23:00.002-07:00

This is the first year since 2006 that I have zero commitments regarding my hips. No doctor's appointments, no physical therapy, no thoughts about healing.

I'm doing very well, continuing to make progress the right hip that has been hurting since surgery.

Around the 14-month post-op mark, I was finally able to sit cross-legged again. It's still a little uncomfortable, but getting easier each time. The burning sensation is getting better and so is my strength and flexibility. My right thigh is still a bit smaller than my left, proof that there still is work to be done.

I'm still in awe at how long the recovery process is, but I'm happy that I keep doing better and better.

Happy new year!

1 year post-op RPAO

2009-11-03T21:33:00.003-07:00

A year ago today, I woke up in a plush hotel that overlooked Commencement Bay in Tacoma, Washington. My mom and I took an early morning walk in the misty weather and picked up giant, brightly colored fall leaves from the ground.

A few hours later, my pelvis was cut open for my second surgery in seven months.

It seems like much longer than a year since that day. My initial recovery was smooth, and though it was not easy going through the long process, I'm so glad I did.

Happy to report I can:

Walk, run, do squats, lunges, with no pain in the joint, no matter how hard I work it. (And I've been working it pretty hard.) No limp or sign of dysplasia/surgery.
Sleep on my side all night.
Feel a larger percentage of my thigh (85 percent), though with a tingly sensation.

Wishing these things get better:

Strong burning sensation that remains on the very front of the hip when lifting my leg, aka my "Captain Morgan" position. I still have to lift my leg with my hand to avoid pain when getting dressed, putting shoes on, etc. The strength is there, but it burns in that muscle a lot.
Range of motion about 85 percent of what it was pre-surgery.
Tailbone, which is a disaster.
Appearance of the scar, which is fading but still noticeable.
Deep random stabbing/itching sensation every once in a while, which must be from the nerves still recovering.

I'm not as happy with the outcome of the right side as I am with the left, but overall I can't complain ... I can hunt for leaves all day long if I want to now. :)

Never-ending paperwork trail

2009-10-13T20:29:00.003-06:00

My second PAO is long since over. But the bills may never stop. Just this week, I got insurance paperwork and a bill in the mail for the CPM machine I used almost one year ago. One year.

I swear I don't know what I've paid for and what I haven't. And I'm pretty darn sure the health insurance company, hospital, clinics and equipment companies don't have a clue either. But one year later? Please.

End rant.

Breaking the post-op rules

2009-09-22T21:28:00.003-06:00

No lunges and no squats.

That's the infamous "doctor's orders" I was given. The thing is, I just don't plain like the doctor's orders. See, I've found a new love, which requires movements that mimic the lunge and squat.

The new love? BodyPump.

The lunge and squat-type movement? Lunges and squats.

BodyPump is a one-hour class in which you do 60-100 reps of weight in a two-three minute span on the following body parts: Chest, back, biceps, triceps, shoulders, hamstrings, quads and gluts. It's completely intense, and I'm toning my entire body.

My legs (especially the latest op side) are still weak post surgery. I'm not pushing myself on the lunges and squats, but I think it's important to try to get my strength back. I'm tired of the hamstring curl and leg extension machines, so I'm giving this a shot, rebel that I am.

Babies

2009-09-13T00:11:00.004-06:00

Today I went to a baby shower for my good friend, Sarah. Among other things, we talked about babies, go figure. Baby names, baby gear, baby this and baby that.

My thoughts turned to my hips. My friend Adrienne and I (the only unmarried ladies in the group) spoke of how more and more women were having kids later in life. I admitted that I was scared that my hips might not hold up that long.

Since I've learned of my dysplasia (age 27) I've wondered about carrying and delivering children. Will I be able to do it? Will it affect my PAOs? Will it cause early deterioration?

At my appointment with my surgeon in May, I asked -- and he answered -- that my birthing canal wasn't affected by the surgeries. Good news, of course.

However, I wonder. There's not much data out tying obstetrics and orthopedics, especially PAOs. Each specialty knows an infinite amount about itself, but not much about the other.

I guess only time will tell if I will end up being a mother, and if my hips will hold up during the process. In the meantime, I "ooh" and "ahh" over the adorable baby gifts available to expectant mommies, good hips or not.

Dreams and fears

2009-09-07T12:42:00.004-06:00

Many nights, I wake suddenly as fear rushes through my body. Simultaneously, I feel relief. The dream that woke me was simply that -- a dream -- and I am not having another surgery.

Anymore, I don't often think about my hips during the day. But at night, thoughts and fears creep through my subconscious and into my dreams. In them, I usually am getting prepped for surgery, awaiting the masked faces that will roll me to the cold operating room. Sometimes, I'm through surgery, with no one to help me to my crutches.

Truth is, I'm still scared of both. What I hate worst about my future is the near certainty that I'll need more hip surgeries, coupled with the possibility that I may have no one to help me through them.

Before dysplasia and PAOs, I didn't think twice about being alone. Now, I'm terrified, and I hope I make the right decisions down the road so I can find and keep the people in my life who will be able to help me.

Sweet dreams.

10-mile hike

2009-08-18T20:04:00.002-06:00

... and I held together pretty well!

Last weekend, I put my hips to the test, hiking more than 10 miles in a new natural area. The first trail was mostly flat, with a few deep coulees. The second trail was up, up, up and then down, down, down.

Around mile 6, my left hip started to ache pretty badly. I made the last mile to the end and was able to sit for a while. By the time I started the second trail, the pain was gone.

And that was the only problem I had.

I used to feel terrified that I won't be able to make it back when I walked only a few blocks. Now, though I have random pains, I know the actual hip dysplasia pain isn't going to keep me from a few blocks ... or a few miles.

Happy girl.

9 months post-op RPAO

2009-08-03T20:10:00.000-06:00

Sporadic.

That's my right hip. At nine months post-op, each day seems to be different. This hip has behaved much differently than the left side, and honestly, some days I want to send it to its room.

Some days, like today and yesterday, I have enough soreness that I almost limp. Oh, who am I kidding? ... I limp. My Captain Morgan problem is magnified and it even hurts to lie on my stomach or the right side.

Other days, I feel no pain, and Captain Morgan only shows up when I'm really lifting my leg while bending the knee.

As for the rest:

Numbness remaining: about 20 percent still numb in spots. (Much better than left side.)
Deep itching/stabbing sensation comes and goes. About one instance per month.
Clicking every so often. (I hardly notice.)
Scar is still healing. I hardly pay attention to these anymore, so I really can't say how it looks.
Plenty of pain on certain days in the front of the hip above my thigh. It's a burning sensation, unlike most other "hip dysplasia" pain I had pre-surgery.
Zero pain while walking, unless it's a bad day. I'm dancing (Zumba and Body Jam), walking, lifting weights, playing basketball, etc.

My hips are becoming a thing of the past, can't believe it's been nine months since surgery No. 2. I'm not 100 percent happy with the result thus far, but close.

I continue to be thrilled that I'm through the recovery process!

Missing my Hip Sisters

2009-07-28T22:16:00.003-06:00

Sam, Sarah, Lauren, Laura, Beth, Marina, Jennie, Rachel, Shelley, Terri, Stacey, Brenna, Kirsten, Christine, Carly, Brandie and so many others ...

I miss my Hip Sisters.

Having a PAO meant letting go a this disability of mine. In the process, I've also let go of the women who encouraged, understood and supported me. I've hardly kept up with my girls, though I think of them very often. The surgery has come and gone, and so has my subsequent need for this connection. I apologize for not being there to return the favor for some of you.

Without these sensational women, I wouldn't have had a PAO and changed my life. I wouldn't have had the information I needed going into the surgeries and I wouldn't have known how to cope with this whole thing from the beginning till now. (Is there ever an end?)

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you and how you've enriched my life. I'm sorry if I didn't mention you by name; if you've ever written with support and advice, I'm so very grateful for that.

Thank you, ladies. I wish you all well.

Crooked as a question mark

2009-07-27T00:16:00.003-06:00

In my last post, I mentioned my "terribly crooked tailbone."

My last doctor and I looked at at pre- and post-op x-rays, which showed my tailbone pulling sharply to my left. Though we initially thought the surgery had caused the shift, the pre-op x-rays showed the same thing. Seems hip dysplasia was not my only problem; the construction of my entire pelvic region has been wacky from the start.

The doctor is certain, however, that the PAO caused an unnatural pull on the muscles/tendons/ligaments from the tailbone to the hip area, triggering the pain I've been feeling. It may get better with time; it may not.

I do not regret having my PAOs. I do want to note, though, that experts are still gathering information about long-term success of this surgery, which began in Switzerland in 1984. I am not a doctor, and I am not an expert in this subject. But I do feel that unexpected side effects (like tailbone pain) are more common than these top-notch surgeons are currently taking note of. My awesome surgeon made me aware that my hips weren't ever going to be pain-free, but I didn't really think tailbone pain would be a part of this equation.

But who I am to complain? Because of this, I get to talk about my backside a lot. ;)

Tailbone saga

2009-07-23T20:42:00.003-06:00

On July 10, I had a procedure for my tailbone pain. The official term: caudal epidural steroid injection. The casual term: pants down here's a needle.

Basically, the doctor places a needle into the space between the sacrum and tailbone and injects the steroid, which affects the spinal nerves. The purpose of the injection is twofold: 1) if it provides pain relief, it shows that area is the source of the problem. 2) if it provides pain relief, it provides pain relief. :)

Anyway, the procedure was a little painful, and I had some minor reactions to the steroid (flushing, sleeplessness, soreness at the injection site). Since then, I've had no relief from the initial pain, I'm sorry to say.

I'm glad I gave it a shot (pun intended) and am considering my options. Unfortunately, the last doctor I saw said the chances of losing the pain were slim since my tailbone is so terribly crooked. The next step is "manual therapy," in which a doctor massages the muscles around the tailbone. Doesn't sound bad, does it? Throw in the fact that he/she must do it internally via the vagina or rectum, and you know why I'm hesitating.

So my tailbone is an annoyance most days and a burden on others. But my hips are doing very well, and for that I'm very happy!

Follow-up with surgeon and overall update

2009-06-23T21:47:00.006-06:00

My absence has been noted.

Which is enough to guilt me into taking the extra minutes out of my day to report on my status.

On May 12, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Mayo. Two new sets of X-rays (and who knows how much radiation) later, I got two thumbs up for pelvic bone healing.

As far as the other issues I'm having, I didn't get any concrete answers. Dr. Mayo was very clear, however in saying -- as he has in the past -- that I will never have completely pain free hips. I've learned to accept that fact, mostly because experience has proven he's right.

This is what we talked about:

Right hip burning in the "Captain Morgan" position. No progress has been made here, and Dr. Mayo said the culprit likely was the iliopsoas (ill-e-o-so-az) and the rectus femoris (one of the quad muscles). He put me on Celebrex for a month, with no change. Next step would be an injection into the muscle, but I'm not ready for that yet.

Tailbone. This problem is getting much worse, and Dr. Mayo hooked me up with a new guy, another osteopathic doctor in pain anesthesiology. No great news to report since then, but more on this topic later.

Hip care. From here on out, I'm supposed to steer clear of high-impact activity. Also, no squats, lunges or leg presses at an angle more than 70 degrees. No high resistance on a bike or elliptical unless I've built up my speed first. Dr. Mayo wants to see me again in two years to check up on things.

And that was that. I feel as if the book has been closed on this hip story of mine, even though the story is not yet finished. Overall, I'm doing very well, and yes Terri, the reason for my absence has been because I've been so busy getting out there and living my life!

6 months post op RPAO

2009-05-03T20:45:00.005-06:00

These past six months have gone by not quicker or slower than my first PAO, but definitely differently.

More inconspicuously, perhaps.

I've focused less on the little milestones and even the big ones. Without a second pending PAO, I've had my mind more free for other things.

Strange, though, that I've thought less about this recovery when it hasn't gone as well as the first. Unfortunately, I'm not as far as I was with my first PAO. This is where I'm at.

Zero pain when walking or having been on my feet all day.
Zero pain when jogging or jumping.
My "Captain Morgan" problem remains. While I can lift my leg on my own to get dressed, get into the car, it's painful. I still use my hands to help to avoid pain.
Still an uncomfortable feeling when lying on my right side. No pain, just weird.
My range of motion is not great. External rotation is especially hard. No sitting cross legged or the like.
Still get the deep itchy, shooting pains in the incision every now and again as the nerves come out of hiding.
Numb and tingly patches are smaller, but I still don't like touching the skin cause it feels so strange.

I fly back to Tacoma next week for my follow-up appointments with my surgeon. I'm anxious to hear if anything is going on with the right hip that I should be concerned with. Maybe it's just taking longer to heal ...

See where I was at 6 months post op LPAO.

1 year post op LPAO

2009-04-23T22:38:00.004-06:00

Happy anniversary to me! A year ago, I was lying in a hospital bed, numb from the waist down. Today, I feel so many things ... grateful, relieved, happy and normal. And let's not forget what I'm not feeling: pain.

One year post op, my left hip feels better than it has in more than 1o years. Sometimes I'm amazed at what medical knowledge and technology has done for me. Seems crazy that cutting my hip apart in three places and screwing it back together has been so beneficial!

At this point:

Zero pain in my hip when walking, jogging and jumping.
Deep groin pain when lying on my side and doing any external rotation (clam-shell type movement).
Numb patches are gone, replaced by a tingly feeling on my scar and within a three-inch radius. (I still don't like touching my skin here.)
Range of motion is about 90 percent of what it was prior to surgery.
Clicking in the joint has increased considerably. I hear/feel it with almost every step, which does make my hip sore after about a half hour.
I consider myself fully recovered!

The recovery process was challenging -- though mostly long -- but I'm so happy I went through with the surgery. Yes, it has been worth it!

Metal detector test

2009-04-15T10:33:00.002-06:00

As I prepared to walk through security at Denver International Airport last week, I wondered if the additional seven screws in my right hip would be enough to make the metal detectors screech.

I flew quite a bit after my first PAO and six subsequent screws. Through DIA, Chicago O'Hare, Washington Dulles and Seattle/Tacoma, the detectors remained silent. But what would happen when I doubled the amount of metal?

Nada.

I'm happy to report that I had no problems at DIA or the Milwaukee airports.

Guess I'll never have to pull my pants down to show the security guards my scars. ;)

5 months post op RPAO

2009-03-24T16:52:00.003-06:00

Since I missed my four-month update, I guess you're actually reading about two months' worth of progress on my right hip. Truth is, there wasn't much progress at the four-month mark, but I think I'm starting to get somewhere now!

I now can:

Stand from a squatting position with very little trouble.
Walk with no pain and no limp. I take hour-long walks and can spend all day running errands, cleaning house, shopping without pain. However, I still feel a little soreness in the joint a day later if I push really hard.
Jog at 85%. No pain, but the gait feels a little funky.
Jump and dance.
Lift weights at 50-100%, depending on the type of exercise.
Play volleyball! I subbed last week and return to the league next week. Boo ya!

Issues remaining:

Tenderness on the skin around the incision.
Random burning/stinging moments deep in the tissue from nerves
Speaking of nerves, still numb in the thigh, but not completely. Enough to feel the slightest sensation, but not enough to be able to get at those deep burning itches!
Pain when lifting my leg Captain Morgan style (as addressed in my physical therapy post)

Just yesterday, while walking out of Target with my hands full of bags, I thought of how lucky I am to walk ... unaided ... without pain. I'm glad I haven't taken my pain-free hips for granted yet. Such a wonderful feeling.

Physical therapy graduation

2009-03-16T21:32:00.003-06:00

Dun, da da da, dun, dun.

Today, I was kindly told by Jennifer, my physical therapist, not to come back. While I'm not at 100 percent, she said there was nothing more she could do for me. At four and a half months, I'm happy to be finished with this part of recovery and hopeful for continued improvement.

It's funny, though; I've had to eat my words about physical therapy this go-round. My progress -- which started out so promising -- stalled significantly these past two months. Which meant not two physical therapy sessions, but nearly a dozen over three months.

The not-so-great news is that the pain I'm still struggling with (lifting my leg Captain Morgan style, i.e., going up stairs, getting into the car, getting dressed) may be impingement rather than muscle pain. Jennifer is fairly certain that the joint capsule is just too darn tight, causing moderate pain and a lack of flexibility.

That information took the air out of my sail. Impingement isn't something that can be fixed through strength training or stretching, though the latter may help a bit, Jennifer said. This may be the best my hip gets, though I'm still holding out hope that it will get better.

Another milestone reached!

My leave of absence

2009-03-04T20:23:00.002-07:00

Though it's been 31 days since my last post, I've thought about this blog every day since.

Something inside me has not wanted to come here. Not wanted to think about my hips, my frustration, my pain. I guess I figured if I didn't face any of it, didn't post on my blog or tell the truth to those who asked, it would somehow go away.

It hasn't.

Don't get me wrong; nothing major has happened in the past month. I'm dancing, shooting hoops, taking long walks. But my tailbone pain has hit me hard both physically and emotionally, and I've stalled with my progress on my most recent PAO, registering moderate amounts of pain every day.

I've been at this whole hip thing for a long time, it feels. Everyone says to me, "It must be great to have all that over with." Or, "I bet you feel fantastic!" Or, "All back to normal now?"

I smile, I nod. Because no one really wants to hear otherwise.

So I've been quiet here as well, and I apologize that I haven't posted about my progress. And, yes, there has been some, despite the melancholy nature of this post. I'm doing well overall and will expand on that soon.

I'm grateful for this blog and those of you who read it. Because when the time comes that I have something to say, I know someone will be there to listen. Thank you for being there.

Dance like nobody's watching

2009-02-01T22:21:00.003-07:00

As I read a fellow Hip Sister's blog tonight, I felt a pang of compassion and a tug at my heart. No matter where we are or what we do, we Hip Sisters are connected in so many ways. So I felt inclined to write to her and also to tell you what I told her.

Go easy on yourselves, ladies.

Pre- or post-surgery, we need not beat ourselves up over our limitations. Getting back into a routine is hard after a PAO. At three months post-op, I'm still struggling to lift weights and dance the way I could before surgery.

In my dance class, I usually am in the front, leading the others and looking graceful and competent. The past two weeks, I've situated myself in the back. Because I can't do some of the moves and have pain, I feel discouraged. Same goes with lifting weights. Unable to lift as much as I used to, I feel that everyone's looking at me and thinking, "Gosh, she's weak."

I want to wear a sign that says, "I'm recovering from major surgery" so everyone will know how great I'm doing, not how ungraceful or weak I am!

But the thing is, it's not important what strangers think. It's just not. So do what they say and dance like nobody's watching. Think of how far you've come and celebrate the small stuff. It's discouraging at times, but if I know anything about Hip Sisters, it's that we're tough enough to outlast the tough times.

12 weeks post op RPAO

2009-01-27T21:39:00.003-07:00

Three months post op on my right side. Just like the other one, sometimes I can hardly believe it's gone by so quickly and sometimes it just seems to drag on. Tonight as I walked by the gym as my volleyball league was in full swing, I just had to sigh. I hope to be playing in a couple of months, but sometimes (ok, all the time) it's hard to be patient.

Progress:

Walking is 90 percent without any pain in the joint.
No limp or stiffness what so ever.
Numbness is going away, already better than the left side.
I can stand and walk for hours on end without pain.
I can lightly jump, no pain.

Still working on:

Range of motion. I can't bring my knee to my chest like I could before. External rotation also is a work in progress.
Getting in and out of the car, standing from a squatting position and any motion that involves raising my knee to move my leg (like driving) still take work. I can do all of these without using my hands to move my leg or pull myself up, but it hurts a bit.
I haven't tried jogging yet, but I feel I could if I wanted to.
The area around my incision is still tender to the touch, or clothing.

And that's that. I haven't felt like I've been progressing very quickly this past month, but even small gains are good news.

See where I was at 12 weeks post op LPAO.

9 months post op LPAO

2009-01-24T18:55:00.002-07:00

January 23 marked my nine month of progress from my left PAO. Has it gone by quickly? Slowly? The answer is both.

I found the first few weeks to go by quickly, followed by a stagnant period, picking up again at the eight-week mark, slowing down at three months, and so on. My RPAO, which hit at seven months, took the focus off the first recovery.

Here's how I feel at this point:

Good: No pain in the joint. I can walk for hours and not feel anything!
Good: My incision is flat and continues to pale.
Good: Strength and balance have returned to pre-surgery levels.
So-so: My range of motion is not as good as before surgery but not by too much. When I push it, I do feel some pain.
So-so: Numbness has decreased following the initial recovery, but I still get a very strange tingling sensation when touching any part of my upper thigh. It creeps me out.
Bad: Deep groin pain (which is muscular/tissue-related) upon external rotation. This means no clam-shell type movement sans pain.
Bad: Tailbone pain is almost unbearable at times. It hurts when sitting, lying on my back, putting my clothes on. I'm seeing an osteopathic doctor and working with my physical therapist to see if I have any options left.

I look forward to see where this recovery takes me in the next three months. I will be happy to be one year post op.

Jammin'

2009-01-21T20:33:00.004-07:00

Celebrating 11 weeks post op, I returned to Body Jam. Woo hoo!

After a particularly stressful day at work, it was so nice to be able to sweat out the frustration again. I'm not doing any of the high-impact stuff, but most of the dancing is fair game.

My hip popped and clicked a lot, and it doesn't have the flexibility it used to, but it felt really good to be back. (And one week earlier than for my LPAO!)

My blood transfusion story

2009-01-13T17:10:00.006-07:00

At 10 weeks post-op, I've decided to tell my blood donation/transfusion story. I tell it only to make the point that we as individuals have to be proactive and cautious about our medical care.

The day of my surgery, I had provided Tacoma General Hospital the paperwork that went along with my autologous blood donation. (I had donated two units of my own blood.)

On Day 1 post-op, the nurses came into my room and said I needed a blood transfusion because my hemotocrit numbers were low. "Great," I though. "Maybe I won't be so tired."

They brought me a piece of paper to sign; it was a consent to receive blood. Drugged up and extremely tired, I scrawled my name across the bottom. The first unit of blood went in. As the nurse was hanging up the second unit, she mentioned something about making sure I wasn't having a reaction to the transfusion. My heart hit my gut.

"This isn't my blood?" I managed to say. We looked at each other, fear reflecting in the other's eyes.

To make a long story short, I was given blood from the blood bank due to a number of problems, starting with my surgeon's office, transferring to United Blood Services (where I donated) and lastly with the hospital. The consent form I was given did not specify that I was receiving blood from the bank, so even if I had read it over, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

Though I was a little scared at the idea of not receiving my own blood, I was mostly upset and angry that the mistake could have happened at all. The hospital was slow to apologize and sent in some top-dog guru who tried to prevent us from suing but mostly just made me more tired and upset.

Though the blood I received is tested thoroughly, for peace of mind, I am now being tested for Hepatitis B and C and HIV. The first round of tests came back negative, and I will be re-tested at six months.

My point in telling this story: Do not sign anything you do not understand. Ask questions. Don't be afraid to tell health-care professionals something you think they already know. Assume nothing.

It stinks that mistakes like this can happen, but unfortunately, it's the nature of the medical profession. Please take care of yourselves as best you can.

The hip bone's connected to the ...

2009-01-12T22:01:00.004-07:00

In an attempt to fix my lingering tailbone and pelvic pain from my LPAO, I had an appointment with a new doctor today.

She kneaded and touched, poked and prodded. I leaned and twisted, pushed and pulled against her. She told me my case was a puzzle, "refreshing," she said. Then she confirmed what my physical therapist had already concluded: my uneven joints are throwing everything off, from my leg length to my posture to the way I sit.

After all, the hip bone's connected to the ... shoot, according to my doctor, it's connected to the sacrum, tailbone, pubic bone, a bunch of muscles, tendons and ligaments, and last but not least, the leg bone.

Dr. Connally couldn't tell me if the problems were due to the dysplasia, the surgery or the recovery. She did tell me she was hopeful we could straighten things out and make my pain go away. She wants to put me on Celebrex short-term to lessen the inflammation in the ligaments, but I don't know how long I have steer clear of anti-inflammatories (which inhibit bone growth, and therefore aren't a good idea for patients whose bones were sawed apart). I will e-mail Dr. Mayo tomorrow.

This is a post-op complication I worried about. I mean, my body's alignment was messed up for almost 30 years and then it was radically changed. Twice. I know it will take time to adjust, and I hope I'm doing the right thing by getting help now.

Showing up is hard to do

2009-01-11T16:58:00.002-07:00

My first back week at work was good, but more difficult than I had expected. Whew, I was tired.

Not used to standing and walking so much, my feet, legs and hips felt bruised. Not used to sitting so long, my tailbone was really aching. And not used to waking up at 7 every morning, I was sleepy. By the time I drove home, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I got about nine hours a sleep each night but it didn't feel like enough.

I only made it to the gym on Monday and Saturday this week, which makes me feel like a bum, but I'm trying to cut myself some slack. I only hope my motivation returns along with my stamina.

And it goes to say that no matter how great you feel two months post-op, it takes time to readjust to a normal schedule. This recovery is long, long, long.

I'm betting this week will be easier.

9 weeks post op RPAO

2009-01-06T21:13:00.004-07:00

Since I missed reporting on eight weeks post op, here is my nine-week report.

Four words: I feel quite wonderful.

My hip joint is 95 percent without pain.
My hip muscles and hip flexor are fairly sore as I get moving again. Nothing horrible.
Incision is looking ok.
Numb patch is getting smaller and less numb.
Still am struggling with range of motion when bending straight over, like when putting on my socks.
Getting into the car or standing from a squatting position are still tough.
I'm easily sleeping through the night.

When people ask how I'm doing, instead of reciting the above, I simply say four little words.

I feel quite wonderful. :)

See how I was doing at 8 weeks post op LPAO.

Work, pt and the gym

2009-01-05T19:36:00.003-07:00

I made it back to work today after being away for nine weeks. It felt very good to be back in the office, and my co-workers marveled at how well I was doing.

My reunion with Jennifer (my physical therapist) followed. She, too, was in awe of how strong I was. Despite that, she was able to find a host of things that are wrong with my alignment and flexibility. Among the top:

My sacrum is uneven.
The bottom of my pelvis is really uneven. Off by an inch.
The muscles in my lower back are pulled too tight.
Hip flexor is very tight.

Jennifer chalked most of this up to my extremely sensitive, very painful tailbone. As the saying goes, misery loves company, and my tailbone is working hard to pull everything else into its crabby state. Therefore, she is lining me up with a doctor/chiropractor who specialized in coccyx and lower back pain. I'm crossing my fingers.

We only lined up two more physical therapy sessions, as I'm doing so well.

After pt, I made my way to the gym. Did 11 minutes on the elliptical and then lifted lower body weights: quads, hamstrings, calves, gluts, adductors and abductors. I'm lifting 30 percent to 75 percent of what I was before surgery. So I have a lot of room to grow, but the goal is to take it easy as I work to get stronger.

The year ahead

2009-01-04T22:52:00.002-07:00

Today, I was asked a simple question: "What do you have planned this week?"

As I ticked through a short list of menial tasks, I started thinking even farther ahead. It was then I realized something monumental. I started to cry.

For the first time in a year and a half, I have very little to plan in terms of my hips. No research to pore over. No phone calls to doctors. No packing for hospital visits and extended leaves from home and work. No diet changes to accommodate blood donations and blood loss. No special appointments. No trips to buy post-surgery items and mobility aids. No surgeries.

When I start adding up all the time I've spent either planning for or recovering from my PAOs, I understand just how much I've been consumed by them. The thought of the year ahead without the majority of my time and mental capacity being used on hips is hard to believe.

And so unbelievable freeing. My thoughts are boundless, as are the possibilities for 2009.

From two to none

2009-01-03T00:54:00.007-07:00

I have to admit, I didn't think it was possible.

Walking on the moon, yes. Gasoline under $3 a gallon, maybe. But this?

After my eight-week follow-up appointment on Monday, I was given the go-ahead to drop down to one crutch and then to a cane.

I walked out of the office with one crutch and have not used it since.

No pain. Only soreness in my muscles as my legs return from a long vacation. I honestly can't believe I'm strong enough to do this. Or lucky enough. What have I done so right that I deserve such an easy recovery?

I have a slight limp, but it wouldn't be noticeable unless you were looking for it. I imagine it will be gone before the end of the month with a few physical therapy sessions.

Everything is like it was before surgery. I can go up stairs, get dressed standing up, shave, etc. I do have a little trouble getting my leg into the car, but that's getting better by the day.

I was really sore the third day after I started walking. Both legs, from my ankles to my gluts, hurt. Felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I've also been much more tired this week than usual. Other than that, I'm so thrilled and so happy to be at this point. Life doesn't get much better than this.

Me walking (in two-inch heels) the day I was given the go-ahead to go off crutches.

Freedom

2008-12-28T23:55:00.004-07:00

I returned home yesterday, making only one stop in the eight-hour trip. I got a little uncomfortable after three hours, but I didn't have any problems driving. How fast I drove, where to turn, where to stop ... Every move was my choice, and it felt so nice to have my freedom back!

Today, with any luck, was my last day on crutches. Today, my mind raced with the possibilities of a life without mobility aids ... but mostly, a life without constant thoughts of hips, hip pain and hip limitations.

As I unpacked my things, I began to grasp what my life would be like without those thoughts. In a word: overwhelming. It's taken more than a year and two major surgeries for me to really believe I may be free from hip worry. For how long, no one can say, but I'm thankful for the possibilities that lie ahead.

That's true freedom.

Snow delay

2008-12-26T20:27:00.004-07:00

Blowing snow, limited visibility and no unnecessary travel restrictions kept me from my Colorado destination today.

Knowing I had to stay here another day darn near ripped my heart out.

Having to move out of my own home for surgery has meant a definite beginning and end to the first stages of the PAO process. It doesn't matter how little pain I have or how much motion I've gained; I can't move on until I physically move on. Only when I set my bags down in my apartment, when I get my own mail and fix my own meals will I truly feel I'm healed.

With a little luck and some snowy miles under my belt, tomorrow will be that day!

7 weeks post op RPAO

2008-12-23T22:35:00.002-07:00

I can hardly believe I have only one week left on crutches. The thought makes my heart dive into my stomach and my stomach leap into my heart.

Next Monday at my follow-up appointment, my follow-up doctor, Dr. Thomas, will take a gander at my follow-up x-rays to make sure all is healing well. I talked to Dr. Mayo yesterday and he said he trusts Dr. Thomas to read the films and give me the thumbs up to start fully weight bearing. Last time around, I had to wait for the x-rays to be shipped and then I impatiently waited for Dr. Mayo to have an office day and call me with the news.

I'll be off crutches in five and a half days! Of course, I'll still need one until my muscles are strong enough to walk again, but not needing them full time is the best Christmas/New Year's present ever.

Updates are few:

I have zero pain in my right hip at all times.
The outside of my hip is still tender, and I'm trying my best to massage the scar, but it just feels so weird. Still haven't gotten used to it; I wonder if I ever will. There's less numbness on this side than the last, but it still freaks me out.
My first PAO is starting to buckle under the pressure. Pain is hitting on the outside of my left hip. I'm also still dealing with the pain on the underside of my pelvis. Dr. Mayo said this is where stress fractures usually occur, though he didn't see anything on my last x-ray. Not going to worry about it yet.
I'll be off crutches in five and a half days!

The biggest part of my PAO challenges is coming to an end. It's amazing how crazy it feels to know something you've been anticipating for so long is here. Did I mention I'm almost off crutches? :)

Getting on with it

2008-12-19T23:53:00.003-07:00

One week from today, I'll be in my own apartment.

The day after Christmas, I'll drive the 500-some miles to Colorado and get on with my life. A hair cut, visits with friends, and my eight-week follow-up appointment will punctuate the first few days of my return.

I'll start physical therapy sessions with Jennifer on Jan. 5, which also is the day I return to work. I'm so excited to get moving again!

A few challenges lie ahead, including driving, which I haven't done since the operation. And the possibility of snow and ice, which would be dangerous on crutches and stairs. Luckily, I'll have plenty of help until I get the all clear to drop the crutches, so everything should be good.

How can it not be?

A little something on the side

2008-12-17T22:52:00.004-07:00

They say the grass is greener on the other side.

A couple of weeks ago, lying awake in bed and failing -- for the zillionth time -- to find a comfortable position, I decided I couldn't care less what color the grass was, as long as "the other side" would help me sleep.

My post-op instructions clearly stated I was not to lie on my operated side for eight weeks. For four weeks, I fought the urge, all the while knowing with every fiber of my being that if I could only flip over, all would be right with the world.

Then one night I awoke on the forbidden side, having subconsciously changed positions in the night. Feeling a little sore -- and guilty -- I promptly switched to my back, telling myself it wouldn't happen again.

But I had already glimpsed paradise, and I knew in my heart I couldn't go back. The next night, I tenderly made my way to my right side and discovered I had been right: It was true bliss. I promptly fell asleep, and then changed positions after about an hour when I started to hurt.

Though I'm ignoring doctor's orders, I'm mentally comfortable lying on my side as long as I'm physically comfortable. My tailbone pain makes sleeping on my back and left side difficult, so I don't have a lot of options.

Besides, it feels damn good to get a little something on the side.

6 weeks post op RPAO

2008-12-16T20:06:00.004-07:00

Six weeks post-op sounds so much better than five. At this point, a lot of my Hip Sisters were allowed to start weight bearing. While part of me is jealous, another part of me is simply happy knowing that my bones are almost done knitting back together. A couple more weeks, and I'll get to start focusing on the muscles, ligaments and tendons.

It's been an uneventful week. Old Man Winter is paying us a visit, which means I don't get out of the house much. The symptoms of cabin fever I was displaying have turned into a full-blown case. Other than that, I feel very good.

At this point, my recovery is in a holding pattern. No big progress has been made, mostly because there's just not a lot more I could be doing, besides walking.

Updates:

My range of motion is increasing.
Clicking has returned. This actually started about three weeks ago, but I notice it more now because I'm moving around more. It's not painful, just a loud click.
Getting my socks and shoes on is still difficult. I can do it like a normal person, (and I tried Marina's trick) but it's not easy.
I can now sleep on my operated side (against doctor's orders). More on that tomorrow.
I can sneeze! Sometimes it still hurts, but mostly it's a-ok.

Two more weeks!

See how I felt at six weeks post-op LPAO.

Two surgeries and three B's

2008-12-12T11:04:00.006-07:00

As I was lying awake last night, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment.

See, while this recovery has been smoother physically than the last one, it's been tougher on my state of mind. Bored, blech and blah are the three "B's" that would summarize these past weeks. I've been comparing my two surgeries a lot lately (which was my first no-no) and finally realized that I'm not just recovering from my RPAO. I'm also still feeling the effects from my LPAO.

By the time January rolls around, I will have been on crutches (full- and part-time) for four and a half months out of the past eight. For an additional month, I worked out muscle fatigue and soreness while learning how to walk again.

I hate to complain, but simply put, it's been a long and challenging eight months.

Of course, I still have a ton to celebrate. Both recoveries have gone wonderfully, and I have no surgeries scheduled in my future, which is such a relief. The benefits of having two surgeries so close together have outweighed the drawbacks.

Soon, my state of mind -- and my "B's" -- will change to bright, bustling and blessed.

5 weeks post op RPAO

2008-12-09T22:23:00.003-07:00

The best thing about being five weeks post op is that now I'm more than halfway through this whole crutches saga. Three more weeks, and I'll be (hopefully) learning to walk again.

In the past week I've:

Had very, very little pain. No shooting pains, burning nerve pain or soreness in the joint. I now have the urge to take a step on my own, like it won't hurt at all to do so.
Learned a new trick. I can put my socks on like a normal person: sitting in a chair and reaching down, rather than lying on my back and attempting bringing my leg to my chest.
Attempted crutching on snow and ice. Not easy. Luckily, the latest batch has melted and we're back to dry land.
Gave myself a pedicure and painted my toenails a festive bright red.

I haven't been very good about doing my isometric exercises, so my goal is to do more of what I can so I'm ready for physical therapy come January. I wanna kick butt like Marina.

See how I felt at five weeks post-op LPAO.

It's back

2008-12-07T13:13:00.003-07:00

Maybe you'd forgotten about it. Maybe you wish I'd forgotten about it. I wish I could forget about it.

Though you haven't read about it in a while, it's never really gone away. In fact, it's worse than ever. Brace yourself; here comes the complain train.

My tailbone still hurts. Lots. I knew this would happen, but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't. My already-aggravated coccyx has become downright livid.

Before my surgery, I spoke with Dr. Mayo about it. He basically told me he didn't know what the problem was or how to make it better. Unfortunately, he said, the coccyx is still a bit of a mystery to the medical world. His medical opinion and my research have produced the following options: waiting it out, cortisone shots, further tests and exploration, and removal of the bone.

I'll take Door Number 1, Monty.

After this hip is healed and I'm not sitting on it so much, I hope it will return to its normal, painfree state.

The things they carried

2008-12-03T21:59:00.004-07:00

It's a delicate song and dance routine, attempting to carry items of importance while both hands and arms are occupied with crutches.

At this point, I could make it on Broadway.

Though today, I had a wardrobe malfunction. While helping my mom with chores, I felt something odd in my shirt. I reached up, fished around a bit, and found the socks I had put there five hours earlier. Then I laughed so hard I snorted.

I've learned to shove things in my shirt and my waistband (don't ask about the notorious carrots and soda incident), lug stuff over my shoulder and back, grip small items in my hand, carry even smaller things in my mouth. I'm sure I resemble a chipmunk at times. A singing and dancing chipmunk. :)

Of course, there are things a person can't perform while in the act of crutching. Among the most annoying: getting the hair out of my face, taking my sunglasses off, itching, carrying anything heavier than 10 pounds, and opening heavy doors.

Soon, my crutching days will be over, so I'm soaking up the joys of finding lost items in my clothing and entertaining others with my super "carrying while crutching" abilities. Practice hard, and this skill, too, could be yours.

4 weeks post op RPAO/Incision pic

2008-12-02T22:24:00.002-07:00

Halfway through the first stage of recovery. I feel as if I've made mucho progress since last week. My incision picture follows.

At this point I can now:

Wear fitted jeans
Pick items off the floor from a standing position with both feet on the floor. (Before, I had to swing my op leg back because I couldn't bend that far.)
Bend and twist in new ways. My range of motion is increasing quite a bit.
Sit, rise, do stairs, crutch, scootch, pivot and hop without pain -- most of the time.
Get dressed without using the grabber.
Fall asleep without any sleep aids or painkillers. I've had no Tylenol in the past three days.
Keep up with my mom in Target, Barnes & Nobel and any other like-sized store.
Work an eight-hour day from the recliner.
Sleep without a pillow between my knees or under my leg. Also, switching positions from belly to side to back is now is cinch.

Very happy with my progress, though the crutches are still a pain in the backside. Got one stuck on a rug today and almost bit it. I'll be so happy when they're gone in a month!

My incision at 4 weeks. I'm rubbing Bio Oil on it once or twice a day to help with the scarring. It looks much better than the other side did at 4 weeks post op. It's not easy to touch, because the numb patch still skeeves me out.

See how I felt at four weeks post op LPAO.

Ouch-choo!

2008-11-30T12:06:00.002-07:00

It may sound like an insignificant post-op worry, but let me tell you: Sneezing is not good. I've taught myself to stifle as many as possible, but there are times when it just comes out, ripping through my hip in the process. Ouch!

I think it was around six or seven weeks post-op last time before I could sneeze sans pain. Definitely looking forward to that! Luckily, I have progressed past the point when blowing my nose, coughing and laughing also hurt.

Ah ... ah ... ah ... ouch-choo!

Thank you

2008-11-29T19:09:00.006-07:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but what remains is my gratitude for a number of people in my life. A PAO is not a solo endeavor. I've been very lucky to have so many people pushing for me and helping me through this process. Without them, I truly wouldn't have been able to had have surgeries, which have translated to new opportunities and a fresh outlook on life.

To my Hip Sisters: You informed me about PAOs and taught me how to handle this surgery and recovery. We share a bond that no one else shares. You know my physical pain and emotional struggles, and I'll always be grateful to your invaluable advice and support.

To my friends: You're always there for me. Thank you for being willing to talk about my fears and for not forgetting about me while I'm gone! You are my connection to the life I want back. For the gifts, cards, flowers, texts, e-mails and phone calls, I am so grateful. Thanks especially to Donna for taking care of my apartment while I'm gone!

To my co-workers and employer: Thank you for picking up the slack while I'm gone and for encouraging me to have surgery even though it has meant more work for you. Josh, while you fall into this category, you really fit into the one above.

To my sister: Thanks for being my "bulldog." I could have used you the second time around, but I'm just glad I had you for the first round. You make me laugh when no one else can, and you were the reason I was able to motivate myself to get out of the hospital in less than five days.

To my dad and brother: Thanks for giving me a hard time. And for knocking my crutches over so much. And for helping me with so many things I can't do on my own. What would I do without you?

To my mom: From the beginning of this process, you've given me advice and supported my decision to take a chance on some complicated surgery with a funny name. You've flown across two states, stayed up late, listened to me cry, whine, moan and complain, put my socks on, put my shoes on, pushed my wheelchair, picked up my crutches, helped me shower, cooked and served me food, often in bed, cleaned up my messes, stood over me while I gave myself injections, carried my purse and brought me everything I needed but couldn't carry.

To all of you reading this: You've celebrated my victories and languished my setbacks. Thank you for being a part of this process and my life. I often realize that I am not lucky; I am loved. Who could ask for more?

My immediate family on Thanksgiving. I'm in the center ... notice the jeans at less than four weeks post op! And my nephew is sitting right on my op hip!

3 weeks post op RPAO

2008-11-25T23:15:00.005-07:00

I'm scratching my head wondering what kinds of noticeable progress I've made in the past week. With the exception of taking a step on my op leg, things have stayed largely the same since my 2-week progress report.

Updates:

Super glue is gone from the edges of the incision and only remains on the incision itself. I also was finally able to gently rub Dr. Mayo's initials off my hip!
I only take a Tylenol PM at night to help me sleep. Otherwise, I'm off all painkillers.
Speaking of sleeping, it still takes me a long while to fall asleep, but now I only wake up about once or twice a night when changing positions.
Stamina is increasing. I crutched around a park and grocery store this week without losing breath or feeling sore.
I started sorting through work e-mails and will return to a more full-time schedule (albeit from home) next week.
Having gone off all prescription narcotics, my brain is much clearer and I'm talking to my friends from Colorado more often. This makes me miss them tremendously, and I'm looking forward to getting back to my home state once Christmas is over.
I'm feeling "blah" lately, a period I remember well from last time. Tired of crutches and being stuck in the house, my mood resembles Eyeore's at times. Alas, this too, shall pass.

Three weeks down, five to go before my 8-week follow-up!

See how I felt at three weeks post op LPAO.

My misstep

2008-11-24T21:36:00.004-07:00

Since my misstep on Friday, I have been feeling much more soreness and pain all around my hip joint.

Scared that I'd done some damage to the bone that's trying so hard to heal, I e-mailed Dr. Mayo's office to ask if I should be concerned. His patient coordinator, Keri, wrote back saying, "You should be fine; most patients who have taken a step experience more of a strain or soreness, nothing bone-wise."

Whew. While I'm disappointed to have regressed on my recovery, I'm relieved that things should be okay in the long run. I'm popping a few more Tylenol than usual, but won't let myself return to the oxycodone.

So please be careful, all you ladies currently or approaching recovering. Each step is important.

Left, left, left right left

2008-11-22T16:11:00.002-07:00

If there's one drawback to having two hip surgeries so close together, it's that sometimes I get confused which hip is which.

I literally have to say "left" and "right" in my head before I rise from a sitting position so as to put my weight on the correct foot. Going up and down stairs is especially confusing. Not only do I have to tell myself "good goes up; bad goes down" but then I have to remember which side is the good/bad side. Switching positions in bed also is tricky, particularly when lying on my stomach, which makes things feel backwards.

Already, I've made two large mistakes. A few days ago I went up a stair on the wrong foot, and yesterday I put nearly all my weight on the wrong side. Pain and fear hit me at the same time, reminding me to be more conscious of the moves I make.

For more than 10 years I've had a "good" and a "bad" side. I look forward to the day when left and right are the same ... which luckily will also mean "good." :)

Celebrate good times ...

2008-11-22T02:53:00.003-07:00

Tonight, a celebration of epic proportions. Well, maybe not epic, but pretty big, especially for someone who hasn't gotten out much in almost three weeks after reconstructive hip surgery.

The cause for celebration was actually much bigger than the celebration itself, but who's counting?

Anyway. The cause: finishing all 14 of my Fragmin anti-blood clotting stomach injections and one full day of no painkillers whatsoever. Not even Tylenol.

The celebration: Dinner out with the folks, an old friend, a Crown and coke, and a glass of red wine.

Good times, indeed. I probably could have taken a Tylenol today, but I wanted to see what my baseline pain was. It's still there, I've discovered, but manageable, even without painkillers.

2 weeks post op RPAO

2008-11-18T22:13:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe how well I'm doing. I was hopeful this recovery would be as easy as the last, but better? No. I didn't know how that was possible until now. I hope the upcoming weeks pass as smoothly.

In addition to the mounds of progress I've already made, this week I can add:

Using a regular-height toilet seat
Driving my car (I only went a little ways, just to re-park it at my parents' place)
Getting along splendidly on crutches
Taking only oxycodone in the morning and at night and a couple Tylenol during the day
Sitting and rising without using my arms to lower/raise myself into chairs
Changing positions in the night fairly easily
Moving without much stiffness
Going up stairs easily. Down is still a little tricky.
Not needing the colace and metamucil anymore, thank goodness.

I still don't have a lot of stamina or energy; that will come in time. I'm probably a bit anemic from the surgery and have some blood to make. I'll continue with my iron supplements for the next couple of months.

Hip pain is a 2-3 when changing positions, rising and sitting, and sometimes when crutching. Otherwise there is none.

Once again, I am a lucky girl.

See how I felt at two weeks post op LPAO.

More progress

2008-11-17T23:22:00.003-07:00

Today we packed up the cpm! Tonight I will attempt to sleep with my leg in the bed, not whirring up and down in some silly machine. Lots of pillows under my knee and at my side will be my friend.

I'm also off the oxycontin! Just the oxycodone to go. I accidentally forgot to take it last night and woke up with the worst withdrawal symptoms: shakes, sweats, all-around craziness. Popped a pill and felt much better. I can't believe I'm addicted already and will be going off them in a couple of days after I'm used to being off the oxycontin.

I also put my own socks on today!

And I can reach stuff on the floor both from a sitting position and standing!

And I'm overusing the exclamation point! That's what happens when you make so much progress!

I miss the nights

2008-11-17T00:39:00.003-07:00

Except for the obvious fact that I don't have the use of my leg, there is one thing I miss most while being in recovery.

I miss the nights when I would wake up, notice I needed to use the restroom, and then stumble there in the dark, feeling my way there and back and then falling back to sleep with no trouble.

These days, when I wake up in the night (which is a lot) and notice I need to get up, it's a big production. The lights go on; I have to shake off the sleep so I can get lift my leg and myself out of bed. I reach for my crutches; they clang together. After I've woken a bit, I work myself to a standing position and then I'm off. By the time I return to bed and reverse the whole process, I'm too awake to fall asleep again.

Sigh. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Just not tired enough to fall back asleep.

Progress

2008-11-15T23:30:00.002-07:00

Today was the first day I've spent more time in the living room than in my bedroom. After sleeping in late, I hung out on the couch with Mom doing a word puzzle all afternoon and spent only a couple of hours in bed in the cpm in the late afternoon. I even helped in the kitchen a bit preparing and cleaning up after dinner.

Other milestones:
I've maxed out the cpm, getting my hip to a comfortable 90 degree angle. I'm going to spend the night and a few hours in it tomorrow and then pack it up on Monday. Yay!

After painstakingly watching my brother's new puppy from afar the past few days, I finally had enough. I made my way to the floor, using my ever-so-toned triceps and the recliner to ease myself down. The puppy and I were both thrilled to be seeing each other eye-to-eye. And after we were done, I was able to work my way back to the recliner.

I'm almost weaned off the pain meds. Tonight (I hope) will be my last oxycontin dose, which is the long-acting drug and the oxycodone (short-acting) should be gone in a few days. Hoping the withdrawals won't be as bad as last time. The pain is becoming even more manageable, I'm happy to say.

I'm also very happy in knowing the worst is over. From here on out, the pain won't be as bad and I won't be as disgruntled and uncomfortable as I've been. Thank goodness for small victories.

Post-op restrictions and goals

2008-11-13T21:38:00.005-07:00

For the next seven weeks I am to:

Not put more than 44 pounds of weight on my leg. (This is the weight of my leg plus the slightest bit of pressure. We tested on a scale before I left the hospital.)
Not actively move my leg, especially straight leg raises or side to side. This means Mom lifts my leg into the pickup, into the cpm, or that I lift my own leg with my hands or by hooking it with my other foot.
Not sleep on my operated side
Run my cpm until my hip easily bends to a 90 degree angle

While the number of restrictions is few; their reach is far. Being on crutches for eight weeks presents plenty of interesting challenges ... and even more interesting solutions. Let's just say that the items I've placed in my shirt, pants, pockets, etc. so I could have my hands free for the crutches are items that should never be in such places.

I may not be able to escape the eight-week restriction, but I still have goals. Last go-around, I just let things happen as they may. This time, I'm pushing a bit to:

go off the pain meds (almost there)
get rid of the cpm sooner
walk better with crutches
get my stomach/intestines back on track
sit on the floor sooner and reach lower
get rid of the toilet seat riser sooner
start working by week 3 post-op (from home, of course)

Balancing the activity level vs. pain meds has been tough, and there are times -- like this morning -- that I feel all-around yucky and just want to sleep. Luckily, I am able to do just that. Clutching my pillows and falling asleep on my side is becoming my new favorite pastime.

Seven weeks, welcome. I'm ready for you to come. But mostly to go.

My next 30 years

2008-11-12T16:26:00.003-07:00

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

~ Tim McGraw, "My Next 30 Years"

I don't know which makes me feel older: making mom go on an emergency Metamucil and prune run for me or turning 30.

Either way, I have turned another decade older and now have two reconstructed hips that I hope will hold me for the next 30 years.

Twenty-nine was quite a year for me, with two major surgeries and the lessons that followed. I see so many opportunities in the next year that it's hard to be sad about turning 30.

I am thankful for all I've experienced, learned and loved in three decades. My PAOs have been a giant part of the person I'm becoming, and I'm proud of the scars and strength I've gained in the process.

One week post-op/Incision pic

2008-11-11T14:02:00.007-07:00

Seven days from my RPAO, I am feeling very good overall. I can already do some things that it took me weeks to be able to do after my LPAO. While I am tired and unmotivated, I can tell that this recovery is on the road to being even faster than my last.

Warning: 1-week incision pic follows.

At one week I can:

Feel pain ranging from a 1-5, depending on the delicate balance of drugs vs. activity. Joint is stiff and painful, especially when moving, and also hurts down my leg and on on the back side.
Lie on my stomach for 15 minutes before needing to turn. Mom has to help me into position.
Lie on my un-op side for about 15 minutes as well. I can get into position, but not easily.
Crutch around the house at a slow and steady pace.
Get in and out of bed by myself if needed. Painful and a little risky, so I usually wait for Mom.
Stand for about 10 minutes before needing to sit. This allows for a quick teeth brush, face wash, hair brush and deodorant/lotion smear. I am winning no beauty contests this week!
Run my cpm up to 75 degrees.
Pick items up off the floor. Also painful and risky cause my balance isn't good yet.
Shower and shave my legs. The ankle on the op side is just out of reach!
Rise and sit in tall chairs only, using both hands to ease myself in.
Get dressed by myself with the exception of the sock on my op side.
Wear sweatpants only. The swelling in my belly/leg has gone down considerably, but not completely.
Sleep for 2-3 hours before waking up at night.

The super glue makes the incision look shiny, and the purple hash marks, along with Dr. Mayo's initials, are in permanent marker, so will take a while to scrub off.

See how I felt at 11 days post op LPAO.

Random thoughts while on narcotics

2008-11-11T12:14:00.002-07:00

Ever think about how many different kinds of sandwiches there are? All you have to do is slap two slices of bread around anything edible, and you're good to go. Hot, cold, elaborate, simple, thick, thin, foreign, American ... there are no limits.

But I just realized today there is one sandwich that not once in my life have I seen.

A pickle sandwich.

Why not? Even though it's normally a secondary ingredient, there's no reason a pickle couldn't step up to become the featured item. I think I'll have to try it one of these days.

Tired

2008-11-10T20:40:00.002-07:00

I remember feeling surprisingly "untired" after my last surgery. Day after we got home, I was ready to travel and get out of the house.

After this surgery, I probably will recall the opposite. I'm drained and just want to lie in bed and sleep all day. Outings sound utterly horrendous, mostly cause that would mean I have to put some effort into my appearance. No, thank you. That would cut into my lazy time too much!

I've started to wean off the pain meds, too hastily it feels at times. I'm taking 20mg of Oxycontin twice a day and about 5mg of Oxycodone and 25mg Hydroxyzine a few times a day as needed. The narcotics are starting to give me hot flashes and stomach upset, so I'm hoping that Tylenol will fill their shoes.

Still not steady on crutches, so it's slow going physically as well as mentally!

Hospital recap

2008-11-09T10:22:00.011-07:00

Below is my truncated version of my truncated hospital stay. While I am very optimistic and light-hearted about my upcoming recovery, explaining some of the hospital details in that way simply isn't possible, I'm sorry!

Surgery and recovery (Monday)
Woke up in a lot of pain, tried to throw up a couple of times, needed a breathing treatment, very groggy. Rolled into room, pain under control, very dry mouth. Start with ice chips, then a bit of water. By midnight, I've also had a small bit of orange sherbet.

A long night. Both legs are numb. Wait for almost four hours for my knee cpm machine and then transfer into it. At this point, nurses notice my right foot is cold as ice and they can't find a pulse in the foot. They call my PA, order a doppler scan on my feet and load it up with warm blankets in the meantime. I have less than one hour's sleep at a time.
Above, new hospital policy meant Dr. Mayo had to initial my hip before surgery.

Day 1 (Tuesday)
Pulse is back, though weak, in my foot. Pain under control, 1-2 when at rest; 3-4 when moving. Itchiness has overtaken body and the world. Am woken up every two hours for vitals. Very pale and tired as my hemotocrit has dropped to 26. Receive first transfusion (more on that later). Appetite is back to normal for remainder of week. Change beds and cpm machines, as the first set weren't what I needed. Sit up on side of bed, which wasn't as painful as I thought.

Day 2 (Wednesday)
Itchiness still ruling the universe. Am very happy to know that after we pull the epidural, this will start to wear off. Get permission from Dr. Mayo to go off the epidural; oxycontin starts at 1o a.m.; epidural pulled at noon. I stand and walk at 2 p.m.! Woo hoo! Feeling weak but very proud of myself. No need for the beside commode! Off to ultrasound to make sure there are no clots in my legs. This is a little uncomfortable but mostly bor-ing. Pain becomes stronger (3-4 at rest) by evening. See the physical therapist and the occupational therapist. Receive second blood transfusion before trying (and failing) to get some rest.

Day 3 (Thursday)
Itchiness nearly gone, except what's been caused by tape, tape everywhere. Pain manageable. I know I will get a shower this day, which is something wonderful to look forward to. Receive third and last transfusion. Walk with my own crutches instead of the walker. Try (and fail) to get some rest. Change cpms yet again. Despite their pain-in-the-buttness, I love my cpm. Makes me much less sore and stiff.

Day 4 (Friday)
Get dressed. Notice that my leg is one and a half times bigger than the other one and have a hard time getting it into the sweatpants. Pain manageable. Feeling tired but not as weak as the days before. Go up and down a few sets of stairs. Help Mom pack. I do this best by lying on the bed and closing my eyes. Anxiously await 2 p.m., when I get to split that joint. I can't express just how much I hate hospitals. Travel for the next almost 12 hours, making for a terribly sore Cassie by the time I'm back in my own bed.

Overall
The last thing Dr. Mayo said to me before I left was, "I never should have doubted your ability to get out of here so soon." One of the nurses said I was the first of Dr. Mayo's patients to get out of the hospital before five days. Of all the people impressed by my quick recovery, I was the most surprised. I went in there with a very determined attitude; isn't it crazy how much that can help?

Thank you to my Fort Collins friends for the cool bouquet of cookies! Love the turtles and they taste great! And thanks to Mom, for the new hippo and for her never-ending care and love.

I am so beyond thrilled to be through with the hardest part of two surgeries. My life is a blessing.

Home

2008-11-08T12:49:00.003-07:00

Hi everyone,

Just a quick post to say we got back from the hospital late last night. The trip was long and not particularly easy, so I'm thrilled to be back in my own bed.

Doing well overall, just need a lot more rest. I will update more later, lots to catch you up on.

Thanks for all your encouragement!

Epidural comes out

2008-11-05T21:41:00.003-07:00

Cassie had a very busy day, she started oral meds at 10:00, the epidural was turned off at 11:00, and in two hours her PT, Vanessa got her up for the 2nd time and Cassie asked if it was ok if she took a few steps...we were amazed, she is definitely a ROCK STAR!!! That is three days earlier than the last surgery! She then went to X-ray for an ultrasound to check for blood clots in her leg; and got the all clear for take off. Her pain was pretty much under control until this evening, when all the activity of the day started catching up to her. Even though the meds make her groggy, she is having a lot of trouble getting rest. She says she is SO ready to go home! They started a transfusion this evening, and hopefully by 10:00 she will have had both units, (that is a whole other story that I'll let Cassie tell you). Looking forward to tomorrow, I know she will continue to push the bar, and we will be going home on Friday!

PM Day 2

2008-11-05T21:29:00.001-07:00

Cassie had her epidural turned off at 11:00, 1 hour after receiving her first oral pain meds; oxycontin (2 X day & Oxycodone & Visteral every 3-4 hr). Within the next two hours she got out of bed and stood and walked

Day 2

2008-11-05T11:09:00.004-07:00

Hi gals, just a quick note to catch you up...we may get enough wireless signal for Cassie to post a little later in the day - that's how it worked yesterday. She has a lot of feeling coming back in both legs, and has requested the epidural be removed today as soon as possible, they will start oral meds first to be sure they have some pain coverage before taking it out. The PT and CNA arrived together this morning and decided to make it a joint venture (oh, that's funny!). Together they were going to give her a bath and get her to stand for a moment on her good leg. Then later this afternoon, hopefully...she can try a few step! Though much sleep deprived she is trying to be very sweet, though she has had the unfortunate luck to be next door to a little old lady with Alzheimer's who is very confused and cries and screams most of the day and night. Poor lady, (I mean Cassie, of course!). It makes her even more determined to get out of this place as quickly as possible! Thank you for thinking of her! Sharon

Day 1

2008-11-04T16:42:00.004-07:00

Other than being pretty groggy and unbearably itchy today, Day 1 post-op has been successful and eventful.

Though my epidural has numbed both legs (the non-op side better than the op side, go figure), I was able to sit up and swing my legs off the side of the bed this afternoon, less than 24 hours post-op. Okay, so I didn't really swing my legs; it took Mom, Vanessa and me about two minutes to accomplish this!

Vanessa (my physical therapist) also had me doing isometric exercises, which caused a few tears to fall, not from pain, but from the heartache of not being able to move more than an inch at a time. It's hard to make the switch from strong and athletic to weak and incapable. Vanessa told me not to be so hard on myself and that with my determination, we should be able to make it home by Friday.

I think I'm going to go off the epidural tomorrow morning so I can stand and walk tomorrow. Yay!

My pain is at a 1 when not moving, a 3-5 when I'm trying to get up.

I am receiving one of two blood transfusions for the day. Not a single person who's come into my room has passed on the opportunity to tell me how pale I am. My hemotocrit had dropped to 26, so I'm getting my A+ buhlud back. They moved my IV from my hand (a painful spot) to my arm, so I've had no pain during this transfusion, which takes four hours per unit.

Today I also changed beds because the first one wasn't big enough for the hip CPM and didn't have a trapeze. They just slid me over on the backboard and pulled me onto the other bed.

I want to claw my skin off. The Dilaudid in my epidural makes my stomach and back so itchy I can't stand it! Mom has had to grab my hand and slap me to keep my hands off my skin. They gave me Benadryl last night but I didn't notice any difference. Will ask for something else soon.

My nurses so far have been fantastic. Such a nice change from last time.

So hard to get sleep. The nurses are in here every one to two hours. Looking forward to getting more than a couple hours' worth at a time!

All in all, doing well. And ready to go home already!

Out of surgery

2008-11-04T11:17:00.003-07:00

This is Cassie's Mom, after trying to connect to the internet unsuccessfully several times in her room, we have decided that Cassie will dictate to me and I'll try to keep you updated by taking the computer elsewhere in the building where there is a strong enough signal. Cassie's surgery took 5 1/2 hours this time, and Dr. Mayo said it went very well. He did find a cyst in the joint, in the same place as the left one...a matching set! He said that was kind of strange. She woke up in a lot of pain and Dr. Mayo said it took some time to get it under control, fortunately she did not remember much of that! She was out of recovery just 1 1/2 hours later and after a breathing treatment; into a room by 9:30, a little nauseas, and with a very dry throat. She kicked me out a little after midnight, and I took a cab to the hotel, since my carriage had turned back into a pumpkin. During the night they did a Doppler test because they were not detecting a pulse in her right leg, but they ruled out a blood clot and the pulse was detectable this morning, but weak. The epidural worked very well for her ...again both legs were blocked, so they may remove it tomorrow. Overall she is doing well, her blood count was low, so they will be giving her two units of blood this morning, and that should help her feel a little better as well. I will let you know how the day goes, I am relaying all your messages, she is so appreciative of all of you! Sharon

Note to self

2008-11-03T09:27:00.001-07:00

A few hours away.

As I prepare mentally for my second surgery in seven months, I've arrived at one main conclusion, which leads my "Note to self" list.

1) Don't compare this surgery/recovery to the last one. I learned during my last recovery that every person is different, which means every recovery is different. Just the same, my first and second surgeries could be drastically different. Dr. Mayo has told me a couple of times that one recovery is always harder than the other. Which one will be which? It doesn't really matter, as long as I don't compare the two and simply heal at the pace that's right for Round 2.

2) Don't be afraid of moving around. Those screws are long for a reason, and my hip is not going to fall apart.

3) Don't take no crap from no nurses! You will not let the nurses make you cry, Cassie.

4) Make the operating room nurses and techs laugh. They give you Valium for a reason, and my reason is to be the comedian before they put me under.

That is all. I'm feeling confident and ready to do this, though not looking forward to the first few weeks of the recovery. Thanks again, everyone, for the prayers and support this afternoon. My mom, Sharon, will be updating my blog when she can.

See you on the other side!

Knowing what to expect

2008-11-02T21:53:00.006-07:00

Got to Tacoma without any problems today. Mom and I are staying in a beautiful hotel right on the water. Wish I could stay here for five nights instead of the hospital!

No food or water after midnight. The food part I can deal with, but no drink till tomorrow night will be tough.

I'm feeling calm and prepared. Knowing what to expect has mostly been a good thing. There are a few things that I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then, but I'm okay with the tradeoff. I hope the things I learned during Round 1 will carry through to Round 2. I'll probably be a bit nervous tomorrow, buts that's okay too!

So thankful that my mom is here. We had a good night, a good dinner and hopefully a good night's sleep to come. Kind of a big day tomorrow. ;)

Note to self

2008-11-02T19:47:00.003-07:00

The day before the day before The Day

2008-11-01T21:03:00.003-06:00

Something happened today that I never imagined would happen.

An elderly woman ("she was 90 if she was a day," Mom said) and I were trying on the same brand of shoes.

The brand was Strictly Comfort, and true to their name, these shoes had little else to offer but a smooshy sole. The nice, elderly woman was telling the sales lady that she wanted a slip-on, but something that would keep her feet dry when she went outside in the winter months.

Sigh ... That's exactly what I wanted. Luckily, the store had enough pairs so we both could make a purchase, but I was willing to fight her for them. I think I could have taken her. Today at least. Monday she would have kicked my butt!

So I got the shoes. (They're not too ugly.) And I picked up the other last-minute things I needed and got packed, checking my own "In my hospital bag" list to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

We land in Tacoma at 3 p.m. tomorrow and don't have to be at the hospital until 10:30 Monday morning. Then, I'll meet with Dr. Mayo and the anesthesiologist for my pre-op and go into surgery at 2 p.m.

Feeling calm. Not nervous so much as just dreading certain parts of the recovery, but I'm ready. My cold is slightly better today, so I'm crossing my fingers that tomorrow will be even better.

Thanks again, all of you, for the kind words.

Back in Montana

2008-10-31T22:17:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post before I collapse into bed. I made it to Montana tonight, after some rushed and unorganized last-minute packing. Being here brings back a lot of post-surgery memories I had forgotten, and I'm feeling a little daunted. Only two days to go; I can't believe it.

I think my cold is starting to get better, thank goodness. I took the advice of my Hip Sisters and called Dr. Mayo's office on Wednesday. His PA, Sara, said that as long as I don't have a fever and there's no congestion in my chest, they will proceed with the surgery. She said my recovery will be harder, but a cold won't cancel anything.

No fever again today, and I'm hopeful the gunk that's left won't travel to my lungs.

I'm so super grateful for my friends, family, co-workers and Hip Sisters, who have been just as supportive of Round II as they were for the first one. Thank you, everyone, for all you've done. I feel so loved, am I'm so lucky to have you.

Breakdown

2008-10-29T20:04:00.002-06:00

Having been through this process before, there have been no surprises in the planning stages. I'm mentally prepared and know what to expect.

So it was unexpected that I had an emotional breakdown tonight.

I've felt the stress building for a couple of days ... packing, saying goodbye to friends, having my last gym and Body Jam sessions. A few minutes ago, like it or not, it was time to just let it take over. Feeling scared and sad, I cried for about five minutes, but I think things will get better from here.

No matter how tough you are -- or think you are -- a PAO is no picnic, even if you've done it before. I accept that it got to me and am glad I let myself cry over it. Now I can move forward and work on being strong again.

Four days to go.

One week to go

2008-10-27T15:30:00.004-06:00

One week from now at this time, I'll be in surgery.

Six days from now, I'll be flying to Tacoma with my wonderful mom.

Four days from now, I'll be driving 500 miles north to Montana.

And right now, I'm trying (and failing) to get my work organized before I leave. Hmmm, maybe if I weren't blogging I'd have more time to do that. Still have a lot of work to do at home, too, and I'm just crossing my fingers that it will all come together.

Woke up this morning with the beginnings of a head cold. I'm terrified that it's going to turn bad and cause problems with my surgery. I'm taking emergen-C and planning to get some extra sleep. Cause I have lots of that to spare.

Thank goodness this will be over in a week.

Yikes

2008-10-24T17:04:00.006-06:00

Less than a week to go before I leave Colorado.

I've been in Jackson Hole, Wyo., for a work conference the past week, so now I'm trying to play catch-up. In less than a week I need to take care of all the things I spread out over a month for my last surgery. But it was totally worth it, as you can see from the photos.

Part of me is completely freaked out that I'm doing this again. And part of me is thinking, "whatever, just do it."

I'm not happy to report that my tailbone and pelvis issues are now accompanied by a giant butt knot. Yes, a butt knot. Like something that needs a deep tissue massage to work out. Clearly, the muscles/tendons are angry, so I tried to get into my physical therapist, but no go. She's booked till after I leave, so I'm just gonna try to work it out myself. I apologize for the public self-butt rubbing.

Buhlud Part IV (The Finale)

2008-10-16T20:47:00.003-06:00

Thank goodness I'm done blood-letting.

The process is quick and simple, but I feel the effects for a few days afterward. Tired, tired. I went in today with my hemotocrit having dropped 3 percent from last week. Which made me anemic going in, and even more anemic coming out.

I have 18 days to make more. And I look forward to getting a transfusion after surgery with my own beautiful blood.

6 month follow-up

2008-10-15T20:21:00.002-06:00

The good news from my six-month LPAO follow-up: the osteotomies are completely healed and the hip joint looks very good. Yay!

The bad news: Dr. Thomas has no idea why my tailbone is messed up and no idea why I have pain on the underside of my pelvis. The X-rays don't show any problem with the bone, so I guess that's good. There is some extra bone growing on the outside of the joint, but we didn't get around to addressing that.

The encouraging news: Dr. Thomas isn't my only hope. The X-rays are on their way to Dr. Mayo's office, and I'm crossing my fingers and toes that he has some magic up his sleeve to make my pain go away.

I try not to focus on these issues. I'm happy with the progress I've made and the wonderful new hip I've been given. But dang it, sometimes it just gets me down. Especially today, when there are no answers. When I'm physically tired because the pain wakes me up throughout the night and when I can't even sit on the couch as I write this because it hurts too much.

Am I stupid for choosing to go through this again with my right hip? Today, I seriously wonder.

Return of The Crutches

2008-10-13T10:56:00.004-06:00

This past weekend I started packing for my surgery and my stay in Montana. Because I'm going on a business trip for five days next week, I only have 13 days left before I leave Colorado.

So I pulled out my shoe puller-on-er, my long-handled loofah, my reacher. Then, from the depths of my closet, I pulled out The Crutches. Holding them in my hands, my heart absolutely sank. My eyes started to well up, and I was forced to put them back, lest I start crying like a baby. While my recovery was very straightforward and much easier than I expected, those crutches ... well, they suck. I hate 'em. They will remain in the closet until the day I leave town so I'm not reminded of how irritating it is to not have my hands (and my leg) free.

The rest I can pack ahead of time. But like an old boyfriend, The Crutches and I have too much history to just be hanging out.

In my hospital bag

2008-10-12T01:14:00.005-06:00

Below is my list of items I will be packing in my hospital bag. Some of the things I packed in the first bag didn't make the cut this time, and new things were added instead.

1 pair of very baggy sweatpants for the trip home.
2 pairs of loose, boxer short-type underwear (though I'll probably only need the one pair for the trip home. Underwear don't really work with a catheter).
1 shirt and bra
2 pairs of socks (though I don't need them as I'm forced to wear those tight TEDs).
Comfy and supportive slip-on shoes
Jacket
Mouthwash (very handy when you can't get to the sink to brush)
Toothbrush and toothpaste (when you finally are able to stand at the sink long enough!)
Trial size shampoo and conditioner (yay for showering post-op!)
Deodorant
Lotion (in my favorite scent, for a small comfort from home)
Cleansing facial wipes and moisturizer
Baby wipes and antibacterial gel for my hands
Dry shampoo
Eyedrops (my eyes are dry since the Lasik)
Ear plugs (the cpm's aren't quiet, nor are the dozens of nurses who come in to check vitals, etc. at 4 in the morning)
Eye mask to block out the light
Headband and hair ties
Feminine products (surgery in the pelvic area tends to throw nature for a loop)
Small pillow
Notebook and pen (for doctor's instructions, etc.)
Laptop to blog and keep in touch with friends
Cell phone
Camera
Reacher
Millennial crutches

No books, games or the like for me. I was too tired for any of that. Talked to my family and watched TV for entertainment when I was awake and alert and not being prodded by nurses or physical therapists (which wasn't often).

Reservations and tickets

2008-10-10T23:05:00.004-06:00

I bit the bullet this week and bought plane tickets and made hotel reservations.

We're doing things a little differently this time around. Instead of my sister and mom both coming for the surgery, my mom's going to be the sole Cassie caregiver.

We chose a different hotel. One that's more expensive, but nicer and closer to the hospital, and it offers free shuttle service, so Mom won't have to worry about taxis. We figure I'm going to be out of the hospital sooner this time since I know what I have to do, so it shouldn't be too pricey in the end. (Knock on wood.)

We chose a different flight back from Tacoma to Billings. Last time, we flew non-stop on a little plane (meaning we boarded the plane from outside and they had to put me in a too-tiny wheelchair to bypass the steps). This time, we'll be flying a bigger and more comfortable plane, (hello, jet bridge) but we'll have a layover in Denver. I hope the extra travel time is bearable.

I also made all the arrangements I needed with our human resources office. I filed once again for the Family and Medical Leave Act, which protects my job while I'm gone. Thanks to our generous work benefits, I will only have to work for two weeks at home (during the eight I'll be gone) in order to still get paid for the whole shebang.

Time is too quickly running out. I'm ready but I'm not. You know the feeling.

Six months post-op/scar pic

2008-10-08T20:32:00.006-06:00

As I look ahead to my second PAO, I find myself thinking less and less about the first one.

So it didn't surprise me that I almost forgot that today marks six months post-op progress. This was the amount of time that I had allowed myself to get back to normal. When people would ask me how long the recovery was, I always said between six and 12 months.

And now, here I am.

Am I fully recovered? Honestly, I have to say no. Close, but not fully.

The stats:

I have absolutely no pain when walking, even for long distances!
Still working a bit on strength, mostly for straight-leg type activities.
Range of motion is about 80 percent of what it was pre-op ... wonder if that will ever come back completely. Sure hope so; it'll make pedicures much easier!
Feelings still returning to thigh area, and it still creeps me out to touch my leg.
Two post-op complications are holding me back and testing my patience and pain threshold:

First is the notorious tailbone. Getting worse by the month. I no longer can sit on my bed and put my shoes and socks on because the angle puts too much pressure on my backside. Even pulling my pants up causes pain.
Second is an issue new to this blog but not new to me. For about a month, I've had a new pain on the underside of my joint, kind of between my groin and my butt. Hurts when I go up stairs, try to do clam shell exercises, abductor and adductor weight training. The good news is I get x-rays next week, and hopefully some answers as well.

Scar is still pink, but I can see it starting to fade and can see the pale, thin incision line underneath. Left photo is scar at 4 months, right photo is today's.

Buhlud Part III

2008-10-08T20:07:00.004-06:00

Feeling better than I did on Monday, I gave my first unit of blood today. Everything went smoothly, and my hematocrit was 39 percent, 2 percent higher than it was when I gave blood for my last surgery.

Which is ironic, cause last time, I was super picky about my diet and taking iron supplements. This time around, I've been careful but not obsessed like last time.

It still surprises me though, that my number falls on the low side for women. I've been taking iron supplements since February, so why still low? Guess I'll have to make that trip to my primary care physician once this is all over.

My second -- and last -- donation will take place on Friday the 17th.

For your entertainment, I'm re-linking the funny video that inspired the title of this blog.

New surgery date

2008-10-05T18:58:00.003-06:00

Dr. Mayo left me a message tonight (on a Sunday!), saying he needed to move my surgery up a week.

The new date is Monday, Nov. 3. Guess it's time to stop dragging my feet and start booking plane tickets and hotel reservations.

And maybe tell more people at work.

And find some decent slip-on, winter shoes.

And get a better attitude.

And a dozen other things that I now have 27 days to complete before I fly to Tacoma.

The good thing is that I'll be done with all this a week sooner. Very cool.

Blech

2008-10-05T09:40:00.003-06:00

I'm supposed to donate my first unit of blood tomorrow, but I woke up today with the beginning of a sinus infection. Perfect timing.

Even if the blood bank were to allow me to donate, I would decline. Don't want those germs to sneak back on me, now do I? One of my biggest fears post-surgery is having a cold. It took more than a month before I could simply blow my nose without pain. It was almost two months before I could sneeze without feeling as if my hip was going to rip open!

I cannot have a cold after surgery; I just can't!

The sinus infection isn't the only reason for the "blech" title. The past week or so, I've felt down as I start to make arrangements for my RPAO. I'm not ready to do this again. I was having so much fun with my new life, and now I have to backtrack and start over.

Lesson: Even though I've already been through one pre-surgery process -- including the emotional rollercoaster -- I'm going through it again. Just because I've done it once doesn't mean I get to bypass it all for the second surgery. Too bad!

So having gone through this already, I know this phase will pass. I'll return to an upbeat and "prepare for launch" mentality soon, I expect.

Post-surgery must-haves

2008-10-04T23:46:00.002-06:00

As I prepare for my second surgery, I've taken a mental list of the things that worked and didn't for me post-op and compiled a web version. It's listed on the right hand navigation under "personal tips and information."

This list is a work in progress and subject to change. I would like to add a section for things that weren't necessities but were nice amenities!

Hope it helps those of you getting ready for your upcoming surgeries!

RPAO, here we go

2008-09-25T11:02:00.004-06:00

Like night and day. Miss Piggy and Kermit. Misty May Treanor and me.

That's how I describe my experiences preparing for my PAOs. The first one I agonized over, meticulously planning every detail, not letting a moment pass without thoughts of surgery. For six months, I did this.

And now here I am, six weeks from my second surgery. I've thought about it, yes, but never for longer than a minute at a time. I shoo those thoughts away as quickly as possible. As much as I'm okay with having the surgery, I just don't wanna deal with it!

Alas, the time comes to make plans to put your life on hold. Keri e-mailed me my pre-surgery info yesterday, and today I made my appointment for autologous blood donations. Next will be the flight and hotel reservations as well as buying the few things I'll need post-op.

Haven't I done all this before?

Stop hurting!

2008-09-24T15:50:00.003-06:00

Ahhh! Today I'm really frustrated at the pain in my tailbone. It hurts, lots. Why!?!? And how can I fix it?

I'm okay with pain on a short-term basis. Hurting for four months I have problems with. I just want it to stop. Most days, I get relief when I go to sleep (as long as I don't sleep on my back), but this week, there's been no reprieve. Any contact to my derrierre feels like a giant bruise.

I'll be interested to see if Dr. Thomas has any helpful suggestions when I see him Oct. 16 or if the X-rays will show anything. I really don't know how I'm going to get through the second PAO, lying on my back or sitting all day.

But I will, somehow, someway.

End rant.

Inspirational music

2008-09-23T23:01:00.001-06:00

After visiting a fellow blogger's site, I realized that I, too, wanted music on my page. So I added a playlist of songs that inspire, soothe and motivate me when I get frustrated with my hip issues.

Maybe some of them will help you, too?

After all, when you need to get your mind off certain things (like preparing for a surgery or two), I highly recommend turning the music up and dancing like you just don't care.

Hope you like it.

Hip thoughts

2008-09-22T20:31:00.005-06:00

I still think about my hips a lot.

Maybe you don't care what I'm thinking. But maybe you do, so I'll continue.

At five and a half months post-op, I think I'm probably 85 percent of how a woman my age without hip dysplasia/reconstructive surgery feels. I think I'm 90 percent better than I was prior to surgery, my tailbone and a grindy pain on the underside of my pelvis/inside of my groin causing the point deduction. I think I have less severe pain overall, but a few more minor annoyances on a daily basis than pre-surgery. Probably that will get better in time.

I know I'm very happy with my decision to have the surgery.

And I know that thoughts of my hips, my pains and my gait will continue to fade into my subconscious. Just this weekend, I walked around downtown Denver for a Rockies game and then to a few bars afterward without a second thought. Last year I tried to do the same and was in a huge amount of pain. What a difference a year makes.

Play music and dance

2008-09-19T22:23:00.005-06:00

I know many of you* reading this are preparing for surgery. I know you're scared sh#%less. I was too, and it's not easy.

I guess I just wanted to say that beyond the fear lies a life you never thought possible. There is a great chance that after your surgery, you will feel better than you have in years. Your body, and therefore, your mind, will heal faster and stronger than you imagined.

Focus on that, if possible. Play some of your favorite music. Loudly. And dance, or sing. Free your mind as best as you can before your surgery, and know that you will be on the other side soon. Soon, you too will feel as carefree and painfree as I am.

A PAO (or two) will only make us stronger. And in the end, happier.

*Specifically for Acy and Michelle.

What a tease

2008-09-17T16:07:00.004-06:00

It's hard to remain committed to the idea of another surgery when there are days I experience what I like to call "hip brilliance."

A couple of weekends ago, I had zero pain in my hip that's scheduled to go under the knife in six weeks. Yesterday, I walked almost three miles, lifted lower body weights and played volleyball with very little pain. Brilliant, I say.

But alas, I usually find, as I have today, that my hip is simply a tease. Today I'm sore sore sore in both hips, reassuring my decision to get PAOed again.

This is how it has gone with both hips for many months, years really. Back and forth, day to day.

No guarantees

2008-09-15T21:21:00.005-06:00

Before my surgery, few people knew about my dysplasia and subsequent hip problems. I didn't talk about it much and tried to hide my pain as best I could. As my surgery approached and I was forced to face everything head on, I chose to make light of as many aspects of dysplasia and PAOs as I could.

Today, I still brush off questions about my hips and don't get into too much detail about how things are going. Maybe this is my way of coping ... to pretend dysplasia is nothing more than an ache in my hip, not a condition that threatens my active lifestyle and dreams for my future.

However, I can't always pretend. I can't forget that my hips aren't as strong or as stable as they should be. And I can't plan that I'll always be as active and pain free as I am today. I've learned to be thankful for each day that I can run around and play, knowing full well that tomorrow may be different.

Last week, my dysplasia reminded me that not everyone can pin their hopes solely on today. Last week, I lost someone I cared about because he wanted a plan, a guarantee for certain things in life. Unfortunately, I can't grant this certainty, nor do I want to. As much as I hate losing him and being reminded of this "disability" of mine, I'm so lucky and so happy to be living my life in the present, trying all the while to make decisions based on what I want, not what I fear.

And one day, I'll meet someone to share this mindset -- and my life -- with.

Return to volleyball

2008-09-11T14:21:00.002-06:00

About six months ago, I walked home from my last volleyball match with tears in my eyes and stabbing pains in my hip, not knowing when or if I would return to the game.

Tuesday night, I walked to the first match of the season with a cheesy smile on my face that I couldn't make go away. (I actually tried.) The great thing was, I walked home with that same smile.

Going in, I wasn't certain I'd be able to move around well enough to play. But I had two blocks, no missed serves and about five hits. There were a few balls that I couldn't get to cause I'm not going to dive just yet, but that's fine by me.

I did have a strange pain after my first hit that ran from my hip down to my knee, but it went away pretty quickly. Though I was a little sore the next day, I actually feel a little looser than I did going into the match.

I've learned so much through this PAO process. Mostly, you can't plan for anything. For better or worse, life changes at the drop of a hat. I still feel incredibly lucky that my surgery has turned out so well and cross my fingers that No. 2 goes as smoothly.

That way, I'll be ready to play again for the league that starts in June.

5 months post op

2008-09-10T20:50:00.004-06:00

Today marks my five-month post op mark. I'm doing a smidge, yes, a smidge better than I was a month ago, but no significant turn of events.

The only issues I'm having:

Tenderness on the outside of my hip. Is this ever going to go away?
Pain deep in the joint only when doing certain things. Like getting in and out of bed, or trying to do my "clam shell" exercises (lying on my un-op side with knees together and bent a bit and then lifting my op leg at the knee), among others.
The smallest bit of stiffness in the joint, especially after a hard workout.
A couple of numb patches on my thigh.
A very sore tailbone. A very sore Cassie! This is the thing that concerns me the most about my next surgery. I'm going to be on my butt a lot, and am cringing at the thought of all that pain!

Scheduling my six-month

2008-09-02T22:00:00.004-06:00

Today I made my appointment with my Denver doc for my 6-month follow-up appointment. On Oct. 16, Dr. Thomas will take some new films and report back to Dr. Mayo.

I was a bit cautious about scheduling the second PAO so close to my 6-month follow-up, considering I've been having a few issues. But I talked to Dr. Mayo last week over the phone and he's confident that the left hip is just fine and will hold up okay while I go through the recovery with the right hip.

I'm sure I'll feel just as confident once those X-rays are shipped to Tacoma and Dr. Mayo can make extra sure everything has healed as it should.