Saturday, January 5, 2008

Pour Some Syrup on Me

I'm waffling.

Few days go by that I don't wonder if I'm making the right decision to have this surgery. I'm not scared so much by the operation and recovery, but I am terrified that I'm somehow going to be worse off.

Dr. Mayo told me that it's "not likely" that I'll be 100 percent pain free after the PAO. So what does that mean? Will the pain afterward be worse than what I'm feeling now? The sucky part is that the only way to know is to have the surgery.

I do know that the pain I feel now is only going to get worse as I age. I also know in my head that this is the best time for me to go through with it: I have family to help me during recovery; I don't have any kids to take care of; I can take lots of time off my job (paid). Still, I spend lots of time wondering if my quality of life is going to be better afterward.

My goal is to go into surgery free of doubt and with the most optimistic outlook possible. Doing so will make recovery easier and faster, I think.

I have three months and 10 days to get to that point.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

Cass - I know where you are. This time is the hardest mentally and emotionally, because the idea that you're totally putting your life on hold to saw into your hip by choice seems crazy, right?!? Obviously I don't know your whole situation, but I promise, afterwards is better. Yesterday I walked a distance that I couldn't have even entertained a year ago. It's not perfect, but it will soon be, and even now it's a hell of a lot better. Have faith, sister. You're doing the right thing.

Lauren said...

Cassie
Question : Why is your doctor saying you won't be 100% pain free after surgery?

I obviously don't know your full situation but every hip is different so there is always hope of a close to pain free recovery if not completely pain free. I just wonder why he would be saying that before surgery. Unless - do you have bad arthritis already? But most doctors won't do surgery if someone has bad arthritis.

Confused in Atlanta
Lauren

Cass said...

Lauren,
I'm not sure. My x-rays show good joint space, so it can't be arthritis. All I know is Dr. Mayo is very conservative, so maybe he's just playing it on the safe side? I just assumed that was what everyone was told. I'll have to make sure to ask him the question. What were you told?

Sarah,
Thank you! I read your Jan. 4 blog right after I wrote this one, and I felt that you were talking right to me! I appreciate the reassurance so much!

Lauren said...

Cass
I would say that Dr. Mayo is being conservative. While I understand not wanting to mislead you, you also need to have hope. That is why I think you should believe that a pain free life is a possibility. It is not a given but it is a good possibility. Our state of mind going into a major surgery like this is paramount and so keep positive. He would not be doing the surgery if you didn't have good cartilage and joint space. I know women who are more than a year passed surgery and are ecstatic with the results. So keep positive.
Lauren