Dreams

I still have bad dreams about having hip surgeries.

It's been nine years since I went under the knife. The surgeries seem far from mind – I don't have daily pain, I don't talk about hip dysplasia, and when I get undressed, I rarely notice the thin white scars on either side of my hips.

When I do think about it all, gratitude and pride overwhelm me. I think of my recovery and wonderful life that has followed. It's strange then, that my brain sums up this life-changing event with disturbing scenes from an operating room, flooding me with anxiety and reminding me of the unpleasant parts of PAOs.

But maybe the nightmares have some value, after all. Being reminded of the stress and pain and work that went into fixing my hips also reminds me of how strong I was to get through it.

Never forget.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thank you for writing something on here so recent. I am 33 years old and learned at 32(October 2017) that I have bilateral hip dysplasia. I just thought I had a pulled muscle in my groin on the right side. Then this diagnosis... The need to have PAO on both sides.

I sometimes question if I am too old to recover from something like this. I worry about whether it will fix the pain-which honestly most of my pain has just been from the torn labrum, nothing much other than popping and cracking of my hips-both, or will I be trading one pain for another pain. I worry about the numbness or nerve damage. I am comforted to see yours went so well and that you write about it this many years later and have a good story to tell. I sometimes feel like life has just halted and things will never be the same. I know, through reading these stories that some turn out like you. And that gives me hope. Thank you.
Cassie said…
Thank you for your comments. Hope is good. As I've aged, I realize more and more that even though I feel "old" now, there are up to 60 more years of my life yet to live. I'm so glad I have more structurally sound hips now to keep up with the lifestyle that I want to live in my 40s, 50, and beyond. I also worried about the numbness and residual effects when I was making my decision whether to have PAOs, and now, almost 10 years later, they're just a part of who I am. My numb patches don't bother me on a daily or weekly basis, I hardly notice my scars, etc. Only you and your doctor can make the best decision for you, but know that you are still young. And the scary parts that seem huge right now eventually may fade into the background. Best of luck to you! Keep me posted!
Anonymous said…
Do you mind me asking, did you have to take off time from work when you had your procedures done? I am trying to come up with a realistic timeline for my job. Most of the stories I read, I feel like 6 weeks off, 4 weeks working from home following, seems like a good choice. Do you have any feedback to give in this area?
Cassie said…
Definitely depends on your job and its setup. Mine was a desk job, so not a lot of walking around, but it was on a college campus, so it took a fair amount of crutching to get to and from my office, plus a long commute. I was super lucky that my employer let me work from home for as much time as I needed. I started working partial days about four weeks following my surgery and was back in the office around weeks 8 and 9. Here are my posts about working post-PAO: http://hip-hopanonymous.blogspot.com/search/label/work. If you don't have a desk job, it's a different story, I'd think. I'd try to reach out to some of the ladies who are nurses and have had PAOs. Are you a member of the Facebook group?
Anonymous said…
No, please do tell more about the Facebook group, as I'd love to join. THANK YOU!
Cassie said…
I'll only share if you promise to remember that people share to groups like these when they have problems, which makes it seem like everyone is having problems! ;) Really, though, keep that in mind. It's just natural that people discuss problematic issues more than they discuss the good stuff. Lots of help and perspectives here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/147992365259/
Anonymous said…
Thank you so much. And great advice.

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