Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My leave of absence

Though it's been 31 days since my last post, I've thought about this blog every day since.

Something inside me has not wanted to come here. Not wanted to think about my hips, my frustration, my pain. I guess I figured if I didn't face any of it, didn't post on my blog or tell the truth to those who asked, it would somehow go away.

It hasn't.

Don't get me wrong; nothing major has happened in the past month. I'm dancing, shooting hoops, taking long walks. But my tailbone pain has hit me hard both physically and emotionally, and I've stalled with my progress on my most recent PAO, registering moderate amounts of pain every day.

I've been at this whole hip thing for a long time, it feels. Everyone says to me, "It must be great to have all that over with." Or, "I bet you feel fantastic!" Or, "All back to normal now?"

I smile, I nod. Because no one really wants to hear otherwise.

So I've been quiet here as well, and I apologize that I haven't posted about my progress. And, yes, there has been some, despite the melancholy nature of this post. I'm doing well overall and will expand on that soon.

I'm grateful for this blog and those of you who read it. Because when the time comes that I have something to say, I know someone will be there to listen. Thank you for being there.

7 comments:

Brick said...

I have been wondering about your and how you were doing. You usually post often so I figured something came up. I went through and reread most of your blogs the other day because (I'm weird) I'm trying to get ready for my 2nd PAO. I find your blog helpful and just wanted to say thanks for sharing!
Brandie

TnT said...

Sometimes it's hard to give the bad news, but I appreciate your honesty. It helps me set realistic expectations for myself. When I tell people that it will probably be at least a year post surgery (times two surgeries) before I can say that I am "better," they think I'm joking. But I figure this is a couple of years out of my life where things are not going to be what I want them to be, and I know for every positive thing that happens there will be setbacks. I can say all of this now, pre-PAO, very matter-of-factly, but when it actually happens I know I will be upset. You have every right to feel melancholy.

I am so sorry your tailbone continues to bother you. I know you've sought medical advice; perhaps another opinion? Or perhaps it will just take time to heal -- but I wouldn't be satisfied with that answer if it were me.

Thank you for sharing the good and the bad, and know that all of us are going through this with you. You are not alone.
Terri

Sam said...

Cass - I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough go of it lately. I have confidence things will brighten up soon for you!

Keep up the amazing and motivating blog! :)

Abner & Jennie said...

Thinking of you! Glad you posted, it doesn't all have to be happy updates:) Just be honest. Hope you find an answer to all of the tailbone pain soon.
-Acy

Nea said...

I am very sorry to hear about your setback. Your post hit so close to home. I am in the same boat as you...you get so far and expect that the progress is going to keep going and yet somehow it stalls. It is not because you want to stall, but yet your body fights you. Keep your head up (I know - much easier said then done). If you feel like chatting drop me a line. You know how to reach me via my blog. Take care!!
Renee

oscarsmum said...

I've been following your blog in preparation for my PAO in May.I appreciate the bad posts as well as the good, it helps to prepare for all thats ahead. Things are not always plain sailing,and we need to hear all the ups and downs.
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time, and are in such pain at the moment. Its bound to get you down, you wouldn't be human not too, after major surgeries you want to get on with things, not feel held back by a pain that you don't have an answer to.I hope you see an improvement soon/
Keep up the amazing blog,
Thinking of you,
Kate

MY PAO STORY said...

I will be thinking of you....and hoping that you are back to 100% soon!
For a good laugh...read my last post on my blog...and try to picture a 34 year old married mother of 2....doing what I have been doing!!
Beth