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The things they carried

It's a delicate song and dance routine, attempting to carry items of importance while both hands and arms are occupied with crutches.

At this point, I could make it on Broadway.

Though today, I had a wardrobe malfunction. While helping my mom with chores, I felt something odd in my shirt. I reached up, fished around a bit, and found the socks I had put there five hours earlier. Then I laughed so hard I snorted.

I've learned to shove things in my shirt and my waistband (don't ask about the notorious carrots and soda incident), lug stuff over my shoulder and back, grip small items in my hand, carry even smaller things in my mouth. I'm sure I resemble a chipmunk at times. A singing and dancing chipmunk. :)

Of course, there are things a person can't perform while in the act of crutching. Among the most annoying: getting the hair out of my face, taking my sunglasses off, itching, carrying anything heavier than 10 pounds, and opening heavy doors.

Soon, my crutching days will be over, so I'm soaking up the joys of finding lost items in my clothing and entertaining others with my super "carrying while crutching" abilities. Practice hard, and this skill, too, could be yours.


Amanda said…
That reminds me of a story ... During a holiday potluck at work, ham was served and Sara Reed was happy to eat some ham. Later in the evening she found a huge piece of ham in her shirt. We laughed really hard at that one!

Just think of how easier zumba is gonna be with this newfound dexterity! It will pay off, I promise!

Big hugs,

Hip Chick said…
Thanks for making me laugh - I needed it! Glad you're making out so well.

the girl said…
I am so glad to be able to use my hands!Too bad I won't be as buff anymore.

You are dead on about wanting to get back to my own apartment and my own life. I feel like I am living in some parallel universe where I never left my parents house after HS!
MNav said…
Thanks for your post -- I laughed out loud!

I scared myself one day when I was home by myself and something loud hit the tile floor right behind me. It was my cell phone -- I had stuck it in my wasteband and forgotten it. I thought someone was after me!

Have you ever managed this one: carry something in one hand while holding your crutch under your armpit and swinging it as you walk with your other crutch supporting you? It's hard to explain, but even harder to pull off successfully. I've managed to lose a crutch -- or even worse, my balance -- while attempting this one. Luckily, I'm down to one crutch now and have been a busy little beaver getting things done around the house now that I have a free hand.
-D. said…
Ha, I laughed so hard--that is funny!! I have to share my use of the waist band . . .I had cooked a grilled cheese sandwich and in the mean time my husband had pissed me off to the point that I didn't want him helping me in anyway. So in my attempt to get my sandwich from the kitchen to the living room I wrapped it in paper towel, shoved it in my waist band, and crutched to my chair. Yes, I looked absolutely ridiculous, but sometimes you gotta do whatcha gotta do =)

PS, sorry to hear about your miserable tailbone.
Cass said…
Loved all your stories! It's amazing what we learn to do when our options are cut short.
Michelle, I hate to brag, but I've become pretty awesome at the "swinging the crutch with your armpit" trick. I do it a dozen times a day, though I almost lost my crutch once and almost fell over once. Must be careful!
Heather said…
I am so glad I came across these hip blogs! It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one around who is suffering through the hip pain, etc.

I did notice that you forgot a couple things on your list .... like....

*trying to use an umbrella

*you must stop walking in order to itch yourself

Oh and do be careful about carrying your laptop in your waistband. Haha, if it's a heavy laptop, you'll not want anyone around while you're carrying it.:)

"Swing on your armpit gait" is wonderful and it's so handy, but it does make your armpits hurt after a couple of trips carrying stuff from one room to another! :)

-D, I've did the exact same thing with my grilled cheese sandwich last month! :)

Waistbands are the best things ever invented! :)

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