Many nights, I wake suddenly as fear rushes through my body. Simultaneously, I feel relief. The dream that woke me was simply that -- a dream -- and I am not having another surgery.
Anymore, I don't often think about my hips during the day. But at night, thoughts and fears creep through my subconscious and into my dreams. In them, I usually am getting prepped for surgery, awaiting the masked faces that will roll me to the cold operating room. Sometimes, I'm through surgery, with no one to help me to my crutches.
Truth is, I'm still scared of both. What I hate worst about my future is the near certainty that I'll need more hip surgeries, coupled with the possibility that I may have no one to help me through them.
Before dysplasia and PAOs, I didn't think twice about being alone. Now, I'm terrified, and I hope I make the right decisions down the road so I can find and keep the people in my life who will be able to help me.